It Was An Accident
by All-About-That-Ace
Summary: If Uncle hadn't insisted on making Zuko wait tables filled with giggling girls, this wouldn't have happened. If the damn Water Tribe peasant hadn't heard about the amazing new tea shop, this wouldn't have happened. If Zuko didn't come up with such terrible ideas while panicking, this wouldn't have happened.
1. It was Uncle's Fault, Really

**A/N:** Those of you who have read my other ATLA fanfics know that Maiko - Mai/Zuko, my precious emo warriors - is my OTP. What you might not know is that Zukka - Sokka/Zuko, my beautiful dork sons - is the crack ship that lives in my shame basement.

Welcome to the Shame Basement.

My writing for this story was meant to be humor-bordering-on-crack but then a plot snuck its way in and that plan went to hell so now the beginning is mostly humor that slowly shifts toward humor/drama. Also, this will feature several Zuko headcanons, including some mentioned in my other works.

This story is actually based off a story I found on by inactiveGE called _Tales of the Lost Dates in Ba Sing Se_. I really liked the idea behind the story and wanted to expand on it, so this is actually kind of an AU of that AU. I will be changing a lot, so if you've read the above mentioned fic, don't expect this to be a rip off of it.

 **Pairings** : Sokka/Zuko, Aang/Katara (mentioned, kind of, not a focal point)

 **Timeline** : AU from their time in Ba Sing Se. Post-freed Appa, post-Long Feng arrested. Sokka stayed to plan the invasion (and honestly he should've in the first place; he's the idea guy!), and has not yet seen the not-Kyoshi Warriors. Any other changes to canon is a result of this difference. (since the series skipped over traveling time and such during the period the GAang split up, I'm going to say that this takes place over the course of about two weeks)

 **Warnings** : strong language, implied sexual situations, sexual language, AU, OOC-ness galore because Zuko was OOC as fuck when he woke up from his angst coma so I can do whatever I want with that. No Beta.

Also, though Iroh is in this story, I am unable to properly convey the glory that is The Great Dragon, and thus do not give him nearly as many lines as he so rightfully deserves. Sorry. Also also, I am shittastic with tenses. Ignore that.

 **Disclaimer** : I do not own Avatar the Last Airbender. Woe is me. I also do not own the basest premise of the beginning of this fic, as mentioned above.

 **Summary** : If Uncle hadn't insisted on making Zuko wait tables filled with giggling girls, this wouldn't have happened. If the damn Water Tribe peasant hadn't heard about the amazing new tea shop, this wouldn't have happened. If Zuko didn't come up with such terrible ideas while panicking, this wouldn't have happened. Though honestly, Zuko probably would've fucked up somehow anyway, so what was the point in griping?

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

 **Zuko**

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

"So... what just happened?"

"Shut up."

"But-"

"Shut _up_."

"You just-"

"Why aren't you shutting up?"

"You kissed me!"

" _Shut up!_ "

Ok, so maybe he had just a little bit kind of accidentally kissed the Water Tribe peasant, but it wasn't his fault! It was... It was Uncle's fault! And those predatory girls' fault! It was the peasant's fault he shouldn't have been there in the first place _how was Zuko supposed to plan for shit like this it wasn't fair!_

For the first time since waking up from his spiritual sleep, Zuko deeply regretted encouraging his uncle. It made sense, at the time. Uncle was so good to him. He'd followed him into banishment, saved him time and time again, aided him on his foolish quest for the Avatar, and only ever made the occasional request for himself - an exotic tea, a music night, a quiet dinner with his nephew. Zuko had rarely ever indulged him, so when he had gotten his spirit re-balanced and his mind realigned, he decided to make up for things by doing all he could for his uncle's tea shop. The Great Dragon had always wanted his own little place to brew and play pai sho and flirt with random pretty women; his three great weaknesses all in one convenient building. Zuko had wanted to give him that.

He should never have let Uncle think he was weakening.

How many giggling girls at the tables Uncle sent him to does it take to get to the desperate Zuko center of a Zuko-pop? Let's find out;

One - short brown hair, pale brown eyes, kept leaning too closely to Zuko when she ordered.

Two - dark hair in a tight bun, well-toned arms, kept brushing her hand across Zuko's elbow when he passed by her table.

Three - elaborate hair style, elaborate clothes, elaborate make up, elaborate noises of appreciation every time Zuko leaned over the counter to shout orders.

Four, five, six, seven, etcetera etcetera, so on and so forth all the way up to nineteen. _Nine. Teen._ Zuko was ready to kill, or at the very least maim, when the boomerang guy had walked into the tea shop.

In his panic at their cover being blown and his _very deep desire_ to have the various girls stop hassling him, Zuko spent a good two seconds coming up with the following brilliant plan;

Kiss the peasant.

Peasant becomes too shocked to blurt out anything incriminating, the ladies of Ba Sing Se think he's in a relationship (with a guy - _bonus!_ ), and yeah, ok, maybe Zuko also thought it'd be funny to stretch his acting muscle in that way but whatever that wasn't important. What was important was that the Avatar's friend shut up.

He clearly wasn't going to, but Zuko could dream, couldn't he?

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

It was honestly an accident. Really. It was. And this is how accidents happen:

"Sokka!" That was his name, right? Zuko was pretty sure he'd heard the water witch call him that before. He hoped he'd remembered right as he rushed to the other teenager's side. "I can't believe it! I thought I'd never see you again!" Zuko hadn't played a romantic lead since before his banishment, but he was always good at remembering his script. _When Stars Fade, Act V, Scene III_. "I can't believe it," he repeated quietly, running his hands over Sokka's shocked face. 'Quietly', but actor quietly. The whole, silent tea shop heard him.

"Wha-" Sokka tried to say, but Zuko shushed him.

"Don't speak," he said, resting his forehead against the other's. "You don't have to speak." _Between Two Heartbeats, Act III, Scene II._ "Just promise me we'll never be separated again."

"Zu-"

He was about to say Zuko's name. What else started with 'Zu'? The answer to that riddle was 'nothing'. Well, 'zoo' did, but why would Sokka be talking about a zoo? Anyway, the point was that Zuko needed to keep him from talking, and the only way that made sense in his little improv scene was, well, you know.

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

" _Must_ we talk about it?" After the scene's climax, Zuko dragged an in-shock Sokka away amidst the cheers and congratulations of the Jasmine Dragon patrons. (Fortunately, Uncle had hired other tea servers in anticipation of the crowds, so Zuko felt no guilt in leaving.) They stood on the roof of a boutique a few buildings down - the peasant already knew where they worked, he didn't need to know where Zuko and his uncle lived - and the hidden prince had more important things he wanted to discuss.

Alas...

" _Yes_ ," the other replied vehemently. " _We must_."

"I needed to stop you from saying my name."

"By _kissing me?_ "

"...I also needed Councilwoman Fa to stop trying to grab my ass."

The peasant stood for a moment, his mouth hanging open as he thought. "That's fair."

"I'm glad you agree," Zuko said sarcastically. "Can we move on, now?"

"To what?"

"...Clearly I have overestimated your intelligence. You may leave now."

"Hey! I only _meant_ , is this the part where we start fighting or the part where you try to convince me you've had a miraculous change of heart so I shouldn't sell you out to the Earth King?" the skinny teen clarified before muttering angrily, "Jerkbender."

"Oh," Zuko said. "Um... the second one."

"Ok, make your case." Sokka - ( _Might as well call him by his name_ , Zuko thought. _There really should be a certain amount of familiarity when one's had their tongue in another's mouth._ ) - crossed his arms and sat back against the lip of the roof.

Zuko paused.

There was really no good explanation for his change of heart. Not one the other would find acceptable, at any rate. What was he meant to say? That he mentally tortured a Dai Li agent until he gave up Lake Laogai so he could use the sky bison as a bargaining chip, only for Uncle to convince him otherwise at the last minute, leading to a battle within his own mind that convinced him such a pursuit of the Avatar was fruitless and he should focus on more simple pleasures in life?

Because that sounded crazy.

And he couldn't lie, because, well, he _couldn't_ lie, and he couldn't think of a character in a situation close enough to his to borrow their skin and feed Sokka their story.

Maybe he could tweak his own story a bit?

Yes, he _asked_ a Dai Li agent for information and went beneath Laogai for... reasons, where he found the sky bison, which he released... because... and...

Ok, that wouldn't work either.

How about, his travels through the Earth Kingdom opened his eyes to the horror of the _by the spirits_ that was cliché; Zuko didn't think he could get through that load.

"There's really no good argument I can make," Zuko said. "Is there anyway I can get you to just accept the fact that I'm a terrible liar?"

"You seemed convincing in the tea shop."

"There's a difference between acting and lying." Sokka looked unimpressed. "Should I take that as a no?"

"That'd be a safe bet."

"So what can I do?"

"...Wanna go shopping?"

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

"I never knew your relationship with the Water Tribe boy!" Uncle called cheerfully as Zuko attempted to sneak into their apartment. "Congratulations, my nephew. He seems like a good man. Good looking, too." He nudged the prince suggestively.

" _Uncle_. Stop." Zuko knew Uncle didn't believe the show he'd put on. The old general had seen Zuko act before. Plus, Zuko was never any good at keeping secrets from his uncle. The sly dragon would've known the moment any 'relationship' happened. The man just felt like being annoying, and Zuko was in no mood.

"Fine. If you must deprive me of my fun." The old man smiled indulgently. "So, what is going to happen to us?"

"To _me_. And I'm going shopping tomorrow to help Sokka pick out a good practice sword."

"...Why?"

"He's insane."

"Ah."

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

 **Sokka**

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

He didn't ask about Aang. Not once during their shopping trip did Zuko ask about Aang. He made snide comments about Sokka's love of shopping, gave a tip or two for selecting a good beginner sword, and flirted with Sokka whenever it looked like a girl was about to approach them, but he never even used the words 'Avatar', 'honor', or 'Firelord'.

It was weird. _Good_ weird, but weird.

When Zuko wasn't being a complete ass, he was actually pretty fun to hang around with. Well, maybe 'fun' wasn't the right word for it, but Sokka was enjoying himself. Being the only teenager in the entire South Pole (not counting Katara because _hello_ , sisters don't really count as people), had left Sokka deprived of a healthy social life. Not that he wasn't social - he was clearly quite awesome at making friends - but he only really knew social queues from observation and pure luck in the guessing department.

Having another teenage boy around, let alone another socially awkward teenage boy with an interest in strategy, weaponry, and well-spiced meats, was... nice.

Katara must never know.

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

"So, once we get this stuff into the carriage and sent to my house-" Sokka paused for a brief moment to give Zuko the opportunity to ask where said house was. Zuko did not. "-we can head back towards the Jasmine Dragon and grab some tea, maybe get some jerky on the way, and make plans for tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Sokka wasn't sure if Zuko sounded cautious or tired. He decided to pretend it was excitement.

"Yeah, tomorrow! You didn't think I was just gonna let one shopping trip convince me you'd changed, did you?" Sokka could tell that Zuko hadn't so much thought as hoped, but hope was for girls and Aang. If you want something, you have to _work_ for it, and Zuko was going to _work_ for his silence!

Zuko sighed. "What kind of jerky were you thinking of?" His voice was listless. His arguments for lizard weasel jerky were not.

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

"Nephew! I see you have brought your dear Sokka," General Iroh - Mushi, as Zuko had told him - happily greeted them as they entered the tea shop. He was having way too much fun with Zuko's lie, Sokka decided. But then, Sokka could have fun with it, too.

"Uncle!" Sokka greeted just as happily, giving the man an overly exuberant hug. "It's so great to see you again! I'm sorry I couldn't greet you properly yesterday." Sokka pulled away and smirked. "Li and I... had a lot of catching up to do."

Iroh nodded sagely. "I understand completely."

"Stop it," Zuko said, wrapping his arm around Sokka's waist. He said it teasingly, but his grip on Sokka's side was like iron.

"Oh fine, killjoy." Sokka elbowed him and moved to sit down. He tried to elbow him in a way that looked playful but was actually hurtful, but it turned out Zuko had abs of steel and Sokka ended up trying to hide a grimace instead. Curse him.

"As you wish, nephew," Iroh agreed. He was always so calm about everything. Sokka suspected he was dipping into more than tea. "Have a seat with your young man. I will bring you both a pot of youthberry and some wildberry tarts." He gently nudged the Fire Prince toward the table Sokka had chosen.

Zuko leaned down and brushed his lips near Sokka's ear. "Don't pull that crap again, I _will_ get grabby," he muttered, a false smile on his lips for the blatantly watching patrons.

 _Oh ho-ho,_ Sokka thought deviously. _Challenge accepted._

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

The Earth Kingdom had a game called Quake. Toph taught it to Aang soon after he learned earth bending and consistently kicked his ass at it. In Quake, two earth benders rode waves of earth directly at each other until one of them became too scared of injury and swerved away.

Sokka and Zuko's life had turned into Quake, and neither of them was swerving.

Sokka would flirt with Zuko; Zuko would make dirty comments at Sokka. Sokka would wrap his arms around Zuko's waist; Zuko would crowd Sokka up against a wall and pretend to kiss his neck. Sokka would _grab Zuko's ass_ ; Zuko would _not react at all that bastard_.

Sokka hated to say it, but he was losing. Zuko had _no shame_. Or if he did, he was really good at faking it. Sokka's only advantage was Iroh, who Zuko refused to "encourage" - whatever that meant - but with how popular the Jasmine Dragon was, the fake couple had almost no time to properly visit the ex-general, (which was a shame because he had the best oolong tea and baby Zuko stories).

Sokka had blackmail galore, and he was losing. Curse Zuko. Curse him and his perfect ass and his abs of steel and his endearingly dorky personality.

Sokka was having the time of his life.

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

 **Zuko**

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

Sokka was hilarious. He gave as good as he got - or tried to at the very least. He seemed very clueless as to how relationships worked. Then again, Zuko's entire point of reference was plays and Uncle's flirting - (Uncle thought Zuko didn't know about the nice widow woman who visited the tea shop with flowers "for ambiance" every other day, but he did) - so maybe he had no room to talk.

Sokka was smart. He spoke about fantastical things like ships that could fly and firebending that wasn't firebending. He had the science behind all of it figured out. Zuko couldn't follow what he was saying if you paid him, but what he understood seemed sound.

Sokka wasn't just smart with science, either. He was picking up sword fighting with a speed Zuko was deeply impressed with, and Sokka was only slightly annoying about it. He was always eager to learn more, train longer, fight harder.

He was fun. He was charming, in his way. He was smart. He was a warrior.

"Our date tonight is at this great poetry place I know," Sokka announced at the Jasmine Dragon, draping himself over Zuko's back amidst the quiet coos of the regular patrons. "They threw me out once, but the haiku lady won't be there today so it should be fine."

 _He likes poetry_.

Zuko was so screwed, and he didn't care.

He was having the best damn time.

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

"So, what shall we do today, handsome?" Sokka asked Zuko, his hand resting low on the firebender's hip.

"Mmm, I'm sure we can think of something." Zuko nipped Sokka's ear, causing the Water Tribesman to slap him playfully and a crowd of very unsubtle admirers of theirs to let out loud squeals.

During the past week of their "relationship", Zuko had inadvertently managed to earn them a fan club by giving long, poetic speeches about his love for Sokka any time someone tried to ask him on a date. Whoever didn't feel too bad about being turned down immediately joined up with the rest of his would-be boy-/girlfriends, where they would gush about whatever Zuko had said and follow around the couple to "soak up the romance".

It was creepy, but Zuko always worked better in front of an audience. Sokka just thought they were funny.

The fan club had been particularly unsubtle with the arrival of Zuko and Sokka's one-week-aversary since they'd been "reunited". They were all very eager to see what the couple had planned. Zuko was such a romantic, after all. Would he recite an epic poem as flowers rained down around them? Hire musicians to follow Sokka around, continuously serenading him with love songs? _Would he_ _ **propose**_?

Unfortunately for them, Zuko didn't have a plan. Sokka, on the other hand...

"Well, the Upper Ring Theater is selling tickets to a new show," Sokka said, pressing his body closer to the firebender's. "I think it's called _The Bell Ringer_. Wanna go with me?"

Zuko froze. Sokka looked at him curiously.

"Did you just say _The Bell Ringer_?"

"...Yes?"

Zuko dragged him into a shop. The owner was the nice widow woman who kept flirting with Uncle Iroh, and she was always happy to let "Li" and/or Sokka use her back room. She waved at them cheerfully as they passed by.

"Sokka," Zuko said solemnly, holding the other teen's shoulders in a tight grip. "Look at me. This is very important - life or death - I need to know you're paying attention."

Sokka looked back at him, his face suddenly serious. "What? What is it?"

"I have been waiting for the theater to put on _The Bell Ringer_ since Uncle and I arrived in Ba Sing Se. Uncle's expanding the shop so we have no extra money for theater tickets." Zuko stared deeply into Sokka's eyes. " _You_ _ **have**_ _to get me in_."

Sokka blinked. " _That's_ your life or death issue?"

"You get me into that theater and you _will_ get laid."

Sokka's eyes widened. "E-excuse me?"

"I will have you hearing colors."

"...I'm gonna go get tickets now see you tonight bye!"

Zuko watched as Sokka ran out of the shop, barely sparing the time to wave to Uncle's girlfriend.

"... _Yes_!" **(1)**

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

"Is that a new robe, Zuko?" Uncle questioned as Zuko walked into the sitting room.

"Yes it is, Uncle," Zuko replied, playing with his hair in the mirror by the door before deciding to stick with his original idea of just wearing it down. "What do you think?"

"It is very nice. Really shows off your muscles."

"Thank you."

"Where are you going in something that fancy?" Uncle poured them some tea and waited for Zuko to sit with him.

"Sokka got us tickets to the theater," Zuko said smugly, sipping at his tea. "We're going to see _The Bell Ringer_ and, knowing him, probably grab a bite while we're out."

"You are taking your fake relationship far, nephew," Iroh said knowingly. "Should I make myself scarce tonight?"

There was a knock. "You ready to go?" Sokka called through the door.

"Be right there!" Zuko called back. "And that would be great, Uncle. Go spend time with your lady friend."

Zuko left to the sound of his uncle's sputtering. It was so great to finally get one over on the old general. It was going to be a good night.

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

The play was beautiful. It was an breathtaking display of independence and strength and Zuko may or may not have cried a little bit when the Earth Kingdom hunchback curled around the nomad woman to die. Sokka wisely said nothing. **(2)**

After a dinner of perfectly seared shark squid, Zuko lead Sokka back to his and Uncle's apartment. "Would you like to come in for tea?" he asked, holding the door open for the Water Tribesman.

"I thought you hated tea," Sokka said, not making a move to enter.

"I do."

"Then why...?"

Zuko's laugh was more like a quiet exhalation of amusement. "I'm being coy, you idiot."

"You're- Oh!" The non bender rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "When you said... Well, I kind of thought you were joking. I mean, you don't _have_ to..."

Zuko crossed his arms and leant against the doorway. "Clearly I have overestimated your intelligence." Sokka stared at him blankly. "I _like_ you, dumb ass. Do you want to come inside or not?"

"...I _have_ always wondered what colors sound like."

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

 **Sokka**

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

Colors sounded _awesome_. The green of the walls sounded like a rustling leaves. The paleness of Zuko's skin sounded like thunder. The purple on Iroh's robes the next morning sounded like laughter and as impressed as Sokka was that Zuko got him hearing colors in the first place, he was even more impressed that it lasted so long. He was less impressed with Iroh destroying his afterglow.

"A little privacy, please," he requested, snuggling further into Zuko's arms. Firebenders were so deliciously warm.

"Apologies," Iroh whispered. "I was simply checking on Zuko. It is unusual for firebenders to sleep so late."

"...How late?"

"It is almost noon."

" _Shit_! I have a war meeting!" Sokka made to jump out of bed before remembering his situation. "...Could you maybe leave please? I have to go."

"Of course." Iroh nodded in acknowledgement. "Enjoy your meeting!" he continued loudly, startling Zuko awake and then walking away innocently.

Zuko let out a great yawn. His bedhead was so cute.

"What meeting?" he asked, his body slowly growing even warmer as he shook off the last of his sleep.

"I have to see the Earth King," Sokka said. "About... stuff."

"Look, you don't have to tell me about anything you do for the war effort," Zuko assured him. "I don't expect sex to turn to trust. Go to your meeting, come see me at the shop if you can. We can get some more sparring in during my lunch break."

"Thanks." Sokka kissed Zuko on the cheek, (because he could - there really should be a certain amount of familiarity when one's had sex with someone), and started to dress.

"For future reference, if you have to go somewhere and I'm asleep, I'd appreciate a note or something," Zuko said as he also began to pull on his clothes. "Oh, and we're dating now."

"Are we?"

"Yes."

"And what if I don't want us to be dating?"

"Well then, I guess I could stalk you instead. You know how good I am at that."

"Aaand we're dating. I'm so happy, hotman!" Sokka pretended to tear up. He was so proud; Zuko had made his first joke! (he desperately hoped)

"Never mind, we're not dating."

"No take-backsies! And on that note, have a good day at work, sweetheart." Sokka kissed Zuko's cheek once more before leaving.

So, they were officially dating, huh? Time to break out the annoying pet names! And maybe, it was also time for Sokka to finally have that talk with Suki he'd been putting off.

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

He didn't mean to put off talking to Suki. Honestly, he didn't! He was so excited when he first heard the Kyoshi Warriors had arrived - he wasn't even sure if he would've been able to wait for the first war meeting to end to talk to her - but by the time he and the generals had come to a good stopping point, Sokka had worked himself up into a panic. Sure, they had parted on good terms - _very_ good terms - but what did that even mean? They kissed. Were they dating, then? Were they supposed to _start_ dating? They were in the middle of a _war_ ; was dating really what either of them should be focused on?

Sokka liked Suki - he really really did - but he had been feeling a bit anxious about seeing her, so he'd stopped at the new tea shop to get something to calm him down. And we all know how that turned out.

It got harder to find the resolve to talk to Suki after that. _Oh, hey, remember that ponytailed jerk who burned your village down? I'm kind of in a fake relationship with him because he claims he's changed and this is the best way to keep an eye on him right now. And also it's kind of funny to do and he's good company. And he knows it's a fake relationship - it was his idea! - so don't worry about that part. Also, he no longer had a ponytail, so there's that too._

Yeah, that sounded like a fun conversation to have.

So Sokka kept putting it off. Between war meetings, hanging out with Zuko, and dealing with his fan club - The Likka Lovers, as they called themselves - Sokka had honestly not had time to seek out Suki. At one point he'd completely forgotten that he needed to talk to the warrior at all.

But no more. It was time. He'd thought things through. He'd made his decision. He liked Suki, truly, but he liked Zuko, too. Liked him more? Sokka didn't know. Liked him _better_? Well, yeah. Sokka didn't actually know anything about Suki. He knew she was pretty, she was awesome, and she could totally kick his ass six ways from Sunday. But that was it. If he hadn't had Zuko, it would be enough - enough to build on, at least.

But he _did_ have Zuko.

Zuko, who was the biggest theater nerd in the three nations. Who actually _hated_ tea, but pretended to tolerate it because of his uncle. Who, every time he spoke of "honor", actually meant "my father's love". He was great with animals, but only held any real affection for turtleducks. He could write poetry without trying, but _only_ if he wasn't trying. He crossed his fingers before going through a doorway because of a superstition his cousin taught him. He was both terrified of and for his sister, because the spirits only knew what Ozai had put her through without Zuko there to keep her from bearing the full weight of the Firelord's unwavering attentions.

Zuko was a dork wrapped in angst and the desire to do the right thing but not the ability to always know what the right thing is. And he was Sokka's. Sokka was not letting him go.

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

The meeting was over. The plans were finalized. All they needed to do was wait for the rest of the GAang - good one, right? Katara couldn't complain about _that_ one - to come back and for the messenger hawks to distribute the coded messages.

And for Sokka to talk with Suki.

"Suki," he rehearsed as he walked through the halls of the palace, "I know that when we last spoke, certain... implications were made - and I had every intention of honoring them! - but... things changed. Things... happened. Yeah, that sounds good. Ok, what else? Um..."

"Hey there!" a perky voice said from behind him.

Sokka jumped and turned around. It was a Kyoshi Warrior. He didn't recognize her by name - granted, he only actually bothered to remember Suki's name - but she was very familiar. Probably one of Suki's more elite warriors, then. She had a high braid and a big smile and Sokka desperately tried to recall who she was. He could _swear_ he knew.

"Um... hey."

She stood very close.

"You're cute." And she was very blunt.

"I kind of have a boyfriend," Sokka told her, holding his arms up as if to ward her away. She pouted. "Look, have you seen Suki? I need to talk to her."

"Who's Suki?"

Wait, what? _"Who's Suki?"_ How did this girl not know her own leader's name? How was that even possible? How...

How did Sokka know this girl?

"...Suki is the laundry mistress," Sokka said, thinking quickly. "Yeah, I spilled some tea on my tunic last time I was here. She said she would have it cleaned for me by now. Have you seen her? Old, wrinkled, hair in a big bun?"

"Nope! Sorry!" she replied brightly. "But I'll send her your way if I spot her! What name should I give her, cutie?"

"Just tell her it's the Boomerang Guy," Sokka said, quietly backing away. "She'll know who you mean. Gotta go, bye!"

 _Who is this woman?_

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

 **Zuko**

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

Zuko and Sokka were relaxing together at the firebenders' apartment. Sokka seemed aggravated with something and no amount of subtle prodding could get him to talk. Zuko assumed it had something to do with the war and decided to let it go. Sokka didn't want him to know, and that was fine. Frankly, _Zuko_ didn't want him to know. He'd had his problems before with doing the right thing. He'd messed up _every time_. He turned down Aang's friendship. He'd denied Katara's healing. He'd turned away the Freedom Fighters, and yeah, it turned out he'd dodged an arrow with that one, but one in a lifetime was not good odds.

More than Azula, more than failure, more than his _father_ , Zuko had always been so scared of his own thoughts, scared of his own beliefs, because at one point he couldn't even tell what they were anymore. To have your own mind turn against you... Zuko didn't think anything could be scarier.

Except this. This was scarier.

"Toph. Put. The boulders. Down."

Zuko rued the day he ever spoke in front of that girl. Granted, he was in great emotional turmoil from the attempt on his uncle's life, but he really could've been calmer about it if it meant preventing this. Apparently, the little earthbender girl never forgot a voice. Also, apparently, someone had told her the voice she'd heard that morning in the abandoned town - and that afternoon asking who she was to be breaking down the door like that - belonged to an enemy.

Zuko would bury in face in his hands were said hands not encased in a rock prison. Actually, he would more likely jump out the window and run far away. She would probably find him - because that was her thing, if her presence there was to teach him anything - but if he could get far enough away from civilization, he could use his firebending and gain a fighting chance.

"Sokka. Step. Away. From the firebender," Toph replied, hefting her weapons higher.

"That _firebender_ is my _boyfriend_ ," Sokka told her.

Toph froze. Sokka froze. Iroh - who Toph seemed to like for some reason and who she had thus left free - froze. (not that it mattered; he was less than helpful)

" _Pfft_."

"Uh... Toph?" Sokka poked the earthbender's shoulder. Her arms dropped. Her boulders dropped. She dropped. And started laughing hysterically.

" _He's your_ _ **boyfriend**_? _Aaah ha-ha haaah!_ "

"Well," Sokka said, clapping his hands together as Toph rolled around in sheer joy. "She's taking it better than I expected."

"Yeah, great, whatever." Zuko rolled his eyes. "Just get me out of here or I'm dumping you."

"Yes, dear."

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

 **Sokka**

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

Toph would not stop laughing. Not for meat kabobs, not for deep fried dough, not even for Uncle's best tea blend, would Toph stop laughing. In the past twenty minutes, it had tapered off, more giggle fits than her uncontrollable laughter from earlier - not that you were allowed to call what she did "giggling" - but she would not, or could not, stop.

She also would not refer to Zuko or Sokka by name.

"So, Sokka's Boyfriend," she began, snorting into her tea, "how'd you know Iroh?" Iroh, who had been quietly sipping his tea and - Sokka was positive - inwardly cackling at them.

"He's my uncle."

She snorted again and tilted her head toward the ex-general. " _You're_ related to the 'ponytailed jerk'?"

Zuko blinked. "The what?"

"No-not - nothing, that's nothing," Sokka said quickly, waving his hands around for spirits only knew why. "Just - it's nothing. So! Toph! How'd the visit with your mom go?"

"It was a trap. I escaped. By inventing metalbending. Because I'm great like that." Her own magnificence seemed to snap her out of her giggle fits. Or maybe she could sense the men's incredulous expressions; Sokka never could really tell with her.

" _Metalbending_?" Zuko asked, his voice very faint.

"Yeah," Toph replied carelessly. She stretched out leisurely, propping her hands behind her head. "Bending. But metal." She shrugged. "No big. We can talk about the wonder that is me later. I wanna hear how you two ended up doing the dirty!"

"Aren't you a little _young_ to know about stuff like that?" Zuko asked.

"Aren't you a little _royal_ to be _doing_ stuff like that?" Toph shot back. Sokka had no idea what she meant, but he knew the beginning of a Zuko rage when he saw it and hurriedly interrupted;

"It all began last week..."

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

"So let me make sure I got this." The teens nodded, Iroh having left earlier, torn away only by the needs of his shop. (Sokka was half-convinced he would close the Jasmine Dragon early in an attempt to get back to the apartment before the drama ended). "Sokka's Boyfriend who wasn't his boyfriend yet got _Zuko's Boyfriend_ who wasn't _his_ boyfriend yet to _pretend_ to be his boyfriend to keep random girls from hitting on him, and Zuko's Boyfriend who wasn't his boyfriend yet agreed so he could keep an eye on got Sokka's Boyfriend who wasn't his boyfriend yet and make sure he'd really changed his ways but then you two ended up dating."

"...Yyye-es?" Sokka wasn't sure he followed, but what he could make out sounded right.

"You two idiots faked it 'til you made it," Toph clarified.

"Oh. Yeah, that's basically what happened, yes."

"You had better not tell Sugar Queen without me there."

"That's fi-"

"Not so fast, Sokka," Zuko cut in. He turned to Toph. "What's it worth to you?"

Sokka gaped at him. One did not simply _bargain_ with Toph. You gave her what she wanted or waited for her to kick your ass into giving her what she wanted. There was no third option.

Toph gaped at the firebender, too. (ok, more like at the wall behind the firebender, but Sokka knew what she meant). Then she smirked. Then she smiled.

"I like this one." Had Uncle's tea not been so delicious, Sokka would've spit it out. "I'll get back to you on that, Sokka's Boyfriend. Now come on, Zuko's Boyfriend!" She grabbed his arm and made for the door. "Time for you and me to do some girl talk!"

"I don't want to girl talk!"

"Look, resistance is only cute when your lover boy does it, now move it."

"See you later baby I'll visit you at work bye!"

Toph cackled. "' _Baby_ '! Oh, this is great!"

The door closed.

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

"So, on a scale from one," Toph held her hands an inch apart, "to ten-"

"Damn it, Toph!" Sokka yelped. "You're twelve!"

"No, I'm not." Toph scoffed. "I don't even have one." **(3)**

"Jesus Christ, what is wrong with you." It wasn't a question, and Toph did not deign to answer it.

"I see you've watched _The Bell Ringer_ ," Toph said instead.

"It's my lovely's favorite play." Sokka sighed dreamily. "We saw it a few days ago. He spent an hour and a half telling me about the religion created for it. Interesting stuff."

"Your 'lovely'?"

"I'm trying out different pet names."

"Have you tried 'pookie'?"

"Not yet."

Toph was always so easy to talk to, despite her extremely intrusive questions. She never minced words; she had no setting other than 'blunt'. That was exactly why Sokka wasn't sure he wanted to ask, but he knew he had to;

"What did you mean by 'too royal to be doing stuff like that'?"

Toph paused. _Shit, this is gonna be bad._

"I know I've said it before, but you don't know anything about high society," Toph began. "Now, I don't know how things work in the Fire Nation, but in the Earth Kingdom, high society doesn't engage in same-sex relationships. They don't make kids, which is what's considered important." Toph paused again. Sokka didn't know if it was supposed to give him time to brace himself or if she just didn't want to say what she needed to, but it just made the tension Sokka was feeling so much worse. Toph didn't pause. _**Shit**_ _, this is gonna be bad. "_ Sparky, disowned or not, was raised to be high society, and if Fire Nation society is anything like Earth Kingdom society, he's only supposed to see boyfriends as some fun before finding a wife."

 _Oh._

"Not that I think he does!" Toph said quickly. "He _really_ doesn't seem the type to do anything half-assed, let alone for fun."

 _Well, that's fair._ Sokka didn't think Zuko had _ever_ done anything purely for amusement. Well, except trick the Jasmine Dragon patrons into thinking they were dating. And playing Romance Quake. And the really great sex they'd been having and maybe it was time to talk to Zuko.

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

Sokka was curled under a sleeping Zuko's arm after yet another round of really great sex. They hadn't talked about what Toph had said. Sokka hadn't even brought it up. He meant to - he _really_ did - he just couldn't find a proper opening to bring up the topic.

Maybe he should just accept that he was bad at not procrastinating relationship talk.

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

 **Zuko**

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

Toph was a demon. Not a soulless, evil demon from the fiery depths of hell like Azula was, but a demon nonetheless.

"Hey, could you screw Sokka into confusing his eyes and ears again? I want him to describe colors to me in words I understand."

"Iroh's pretty awesome. When I'm older and hotter, you might have to start calling me 'aunt'."

"So, I know it might _seem_ like I was the one who destroyed that other tea shop and you are _totally_ justified in thinking that because it _definitely_ was me but I had a _really_ good reason."

Ok, so that last one was actually pretty funny and the explanation was one of the best stories Zuko had heard since he'd read _Between the Walls of Ba Sing Se_ , but those were three of the tamest comments Toph had made since she'd decided she to accept Zuko as a friend.

Her questions about his and Sokka's sex life did not bear repeating. Her _suggestions_ for his and Sokka's sex life beared exploring. (And might Zuko ask, once again, _How does she know about sex in the first place, she is twelve?_ )

But she was Sokka's friend - _best_ friend, maybe, what with Aang being in love with Katara making Sokka and Aang's interactions slightly awkward - and Zuko really wanted her to like him. She seemed the type to destroy a relationship if she didn't approve of her friend's significant other. Zuko could respect that. Toph used that to trap him. He could respect that, too.

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

Originally, they were going to the fruit stand for chopped ash mango and moon peach drinks. Originally, they were going to visit the park where Toph would show off her ability to see through the earth's vibrations (and god _damn_ was that amazing). Originally, they were going to watch a bunch of earthbenders play some game that involved getting a ball into a net until Toph learned enough about the game to place some bets and rig everything. (Zuko didn't exactly _approve_ of gambling, but he really wanted to get reservations at the nice new restaurant that allegedly served Water Tribe food; it was his turn to plan date night and he needed some funds)

Then Toph "saw" something very much like the Earth Rumble she'd once ruled happening in the Lower Ring. It was too late for her to enter, but not for them to get tickets. It wasn't too late for Toph to find the bar the contestants went to afterward, either. And it certainly wasn't too late for her to loudly insist that the only way to fix their boring performance was if they'd all fought her at once, then "maybe the people could've gotten their money's worth".

"Did you _have_ to start a bar fight?!" Zuko shouted over the sound of punching and earthbending.

"You've been hanging out with me _how_ long?!" Toph shouted back, throwing a man easily three times her weight clear across the room. Zuko knew she was using earthbending, but it was still damn impressive.

"That's fair." Zuko jumped and kneed a man in the face. He would never tell Toph - she clearly needed no encouragement - but bar fighting was pretty fun. _Well, winning at bar fights is pretty fun,_ Zuko thought as he flipped someone over his back.

Eventually, the two of them took down the entire Earth Rumble Knock-off line-up. Toph stole the championship belt and raised it above her head victoriously.

"And the winner is _the Blind Bandit_!" she cheered, one foot resting on the stack of beaten bodies she'd compiled. "You're welcome, and good night!"

 _Next time I spend time with Toph,_ Zuko decided as they journeyed back to the Upper Ring, _I'm bringing my broadswords._

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

 **Sokka**

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

Sokka was gonna do it. He was going to talk to Zuko. He'd procrastinated in every way he could think of - he'd helped Uncle with his inventory and restocking, he'd bought Zuko every play scroll he could get his hands on, he'd taken Toph to every fighting ring they could force or buy access to. It was time to talk about his relationship. He shuddered at the thought.

"Zuko, honey, I have a question," Sokka said from his position draped dramatically across the prince's chest. They were at the firebenders' apartment. Toph was doing whatever Toph did - picking fights or being a badass, whatever - and Iroh had found a group of musicians in the public square. He'd taken his tsungi horn and disappeared for the afternoon.

"How many pet names are you going to use on me?"

"As many as it takes to find the right one," Sokka answered. "Now for my question."

He rolled off of Zuko and sat up. He stretched. He picked at his clothes.

"Are you going to _ask_ a question or...?" Zuko raised his eyebrow, which wasn't really fair because Sokka had always wanted to be able to raise a single eyebrow and now here Zuko could do it with no effort but then he did get half his face burned off to be able to do that and Sokka should probably stop stalling.

"Am I fun?"

"Does Uncle love tea?" Zuko replied incredulously.

"No," Sokka said, shaking his head. "No, I mean... am I... _just_ a bit of fun?"

"...You've spoken to Toph, haven't you?"

"Never mind, you don't have to say anything. Let's play pai sho!" Sokka got up to get the board, only for Zuko to grab his arm as he tried to escape the awkward situation.

"I hate pai sho, now sit down." Zuko tugged him back onto the couch.

"You hate everything."

"I don't hate you."

"...I don't hate you, too." **(4)**

Zuko wrapped his arms back around Sokka's shoulders. "I'm not going to say I'm in love with you and I'm not going to say we're going to be together forever, but I didn't start this relationship with an expiration date on it."

"Which means...?"

"I have no plans of dumping you to go find a wife so I can make people I don't like happy. Maybe we'll break up, maybe we won't, but if we do, it won't be because of stupid societal expectations."

"You are so sexy."

"I'm aware."

"You are less sexy."

"No take-backsies."

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

Sokka hummed happily as he and Toph shopped for groceries.

"Did Sparky screw your brains out again?" she asked, carefully inspecting a plum before placing it in her basket. Her earth basket. That followed her around. Because carrying things was for poor people or something, Sokka didn't know.

"Yellow is birds chirping," Sokka replied. "And also I talked to him about the society thing."

"And you're practically skipping. I _told_ you he didn't do things half-assed!" Toph crowed smugly. "Certainly didn't do _you_ half-assed," she muttered under her breath, grabbing a few more fruits.

"I heard that," Sokka said in an annoyed voice before saying brightly, "And no, no he did not." Sokka put a full pig chicken in Toph's basket. "Totally not changing the subject or anything, but remind me again why you won't just eat at the palace."

"I have a problem with authority, _duh_."

"Wait!" Sokka stopped in the middle of foot traffic. Grumbling people shifted around him as he thought. _I'm forgetting something. Something to do with the palace. Shit, what is it? Work it out: palace, Earth King, guards, councilmen..._

A group of giggling fan club members walked past. They looked to be a part of the new Toph branch. They seemed to think Sokka and Zuko had adopted her as a little sister. _Zuko, relationship talk, still need to talk to Suk- the Kyoshi Warrior!_

" _Toph_! I need you to check something with me!" he said, grabbing her shoulder for the brief second she allowed it to be there.

"Check what?"

"There's this really weird girl in a Kyoshi Warrior uniform at the palace," Sokka told her.

"And?"

"She asked me who Suki is."

Toph smirked. "Let's go."

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

 **Zuko**

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

" _Liiiiiiii_ \- hey, Uncle! - _Li Li Li Li Li Li_ -" Zuko grabbed the Water Tribesman and stuffed a sweet roll in his mouth.

"Chew, swallow, _calm down_ , then speak," he said as he took payment from an older couple. "Thank you for your patronage. Please return soon. _Chew_ ," he repeated when Sokka just stared at him blankly.

"Lychee tea and make it snappy!" Toph ordered as Sokka stood, dumfounded.

"From you, I want the money up front."

"Li!" Sokka finished off his sweet roll quickly, which was a shame because it was a really good pastry bought special from a shop on the other side of the Upper Ring. "Can I speak with you alone please?"

"Sure," Zuko agreed. "I have a break coming up anyway. Toph, cover for me."

"What's in it for me?"

"You can do what you want with anyone who tries to skip out on their bill."

"Tell Uncle I say hey!" Toph made herself a stone seat and settled down behind the register. "Next customer, please!"

"Come on." Zuko lead Sokka through the kitchen and into the storage room, not acknowledging his uncle's playful order to avoid contaminating the ingredients. "Now, what's so important?"

"I think your sister is in Ba Sing Se."

"..."

Zuko couldn't breathe. He _literally_ _ **could not breathe**_.

 _Azula can't_ _be here,_ he thought desperately. _Not_ _ **here**_ _. Not now._

Not when he and Uncle had finally found a life that kept them both content. Not when he had finally let go of his throne. Not when things were going so perfectly. He hadn't been so happy since his mother had been around. Azula couldn't ruin this like she ruined _everything else_.

"Li?" Sokka said frantically, cautious of any fan club members who may have been eavesdropping. Again. "Li, are you ok?"

Zuko gasped. "I don't know."

" _Uncle_!"

All went dark.

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

"Zuko." _Uncle?_ "My nephew, are you alright?"

"Wha... What happened?" Zuko tried to rise, only for Uncle to push him back again.

"Do not try to get up so quickly," he instructed.

"Yeah," Sokka said from wherever it was he had been hiding. The kitchen, apparently, judging from the bowl of soup he was carrying. "You just woke up. Take it slow, pookie."

"You can cross that one off your list right now," Zuko ordered. "Now what happened?"

"You had an angst overload," Toph said.

"You had a panic attack, Zuko," Uncle clarified. "Sokka has filled me in on his suspicions."

Uncle helped Zuko sit up and Sokka fed him the surprisingly ok soup he'd brewed.

"What do we do, Uncle?" Zuko asked between bites. Azula was strong and cunning and ruthless. Zuko was no match for her, especially not with the way his new life had forced him to neglect his training. What if she found him? Found Uncle? Found _Sokka_? Sokka had never fought Azula before, not really. He didn't know what she was truly capable of.

Uncle sighed. "That, my nephew, I do not know."

"But _we_ are gonna find out!" Sokka insisted, his determined voice clashing with how he gently fed Zuko more soup.

"And when we do," Toph continued, "we are gonna _kick some butt_."

Zuko smiled. Sokka and Toph might not fully understand the extent of Azula's power, but Azula didn't know what _they_ were truly capable of either.

And _oh_ , would she find out.

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

Azula may be great at striking terror into the hearts of men, but Zuko was an expert at coming and going undetected. Even his esteemed sister could never spot him when he didn't want to be spotted.

And it was Azula. It was most definitely Azula.

Disguising herself as a Kyoshi Warrior; how apropos. All that make-up was surely the only way to hide her enormous presence. And how completely sacrilegious, what with her horrible plans for the Avatar and whatnot.

As if it wasn't bad enough that Azula had found her way into the Impenetrable City, she'd brought Mai and Ty Lee. Zuko had never been close to them, (childhood crushes notwithstanding), but when he'd been sent away, the two girls had been quite formidable opponents. According to Sokka, Mai had only gotten better at her knife throwing and Ty Lee had learned chi blocking.

They had to warn the Earth King.

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

The Earth King was an idiot.

"You're telling me you're _the prince of the Fire Nation_?"

" _You're_ telling _me_ you _told some random people all the invasion plans_?" Sokka shot back before Zuko could say anything.

"You said they were trustworthy!"

"That doesn't mean you _tell them everything_!"

Not only were they all screwed, they were _super_ screwed. Screwed beyond all reason. Screwed harder than Sokka the night before.

Zuko had been spending too much time around Toph, but he would deal with that later.

"Look!" Zuko interjected. "We can play _Who's a Dumbass_ later. Right now, we have an emotionless hell spawn to deal with."

"What's 'hell'?"

"Focus!" Zuko shook his head, exasperated. "Jesus, how are _you_ the head of the Earth Kingdom?"

"'Jesus'?"

"Your Majesty! Call. Your guards."

And Zuko had thought all of high society had seen _The Bell Ringer_. Not what he should've been focusing on at the moment, but seriously, _how_ had King Kuei gone all this time without watching _The Bell Ringer_? What did he do for fun while he was hidden away in the palace to keep him ignorant of everything around him? Zuko had thought his cage was meant to be rather gilded, but how gilded could it be without any play scripts? Did he just hang out with his bear all day? Where did he even _find_ a bear, anyway?

"The guards aren't coming," Toph said suddenly, interrupting Zuko's nonsensical thought process.

"What do you mean?" Kuei asked.

"I mean, we're boned harder than Sokka last night."

 _I_ _ **knew**_ _I was spending too much time with Toph!_

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

Of fucking course the Earth King - no, he was too stupid to call a king - of fucking course Kuei would _tell the servant he sent to get the guards that the Fire Nation Prince was with him_. _Of. Fucking. Course._

Zuko never used to swear so much. Toph was a terrible influence.

"Hello, Zuzu. Do you like my new Dai Li?" Same cruel smirk. Same razor sharp claws. Same unfeeling eyes. She was built as a monster, and what parts weren't inherent, she'd cultivated herself. "They may be Earth Kingdom, but they have a killer instinct that _so_ Fire Nation."

"Let's skip the family reunion and get straight to the butt kicking," Toph said, smacking a fist into an open palm.

"Seconded!" Sokka called. He unsheathed the sword Zuko had insisted he bring and held it ready.

"Agreed!" Azula shot a bolt of lightning and all hell broke loose.

"Just like old times, is it not, Zuko?" Uncle asked as he took down two enemies at once, as was his habit.

"Now is not the time to reminisce." Zuko destroyed the earth hands that tried to trap him. He and Uncle fought in perfect sync; Sokka and Toph fought in near-perfect sync. Azula was watching with satisfaction. Even without her contributing and with Toph's clearly far superior earthbending, the Dai Li badly outnumbered them, especially with the dead weight that was Kuei hiding in the corner.

"This way!" Uncle knocked a hole in the Dai Li's ranks, hefted Kuei over his shoulder, and ran down the unblocked hallway.

"Move it!" Toph threw all their opponents away from them at once, but it only bought them limited time; Azula and the Dai Li weren't far behind them. Sokka, seeing the hallway ended with a large window, threw his boomerang ahead and knocked out the glass.

 _He's_ _ **really**_ _good with that thing,_ Zuko thought as Sokka caught the weapon. _Now is not the time to be finding that attractive._

"Let's go, people!" Toph yelled, bending a platform of earth for them to climb on to. "Keep your arms and legs on the earth slab!"

They raced out the window. Uncle dropped Kuei and began throwing fire at their pursuers. Sokka stood at the front, swiping at the earth cuffs flying at them. Toph prepared to get the platform moving.

Zuko hesitated.

He had done nothing but run since Azula had tried to bring him back to the Fire Nation in chains. He ran so far he'd even left Uncle behind, only to nearly lose him forever in a ghost town. He'd never been such a coward before and he hated it.

He _could_ keep running - physically, he could run for as long as he damn well felt like - but spiritually, could he really stand to keep doing something so unlike himself? He didn't want to run anymore.

"It's time to end this."

"Zuko, no!"

"God _damn_ _it_!"

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

 **Sokka**

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

Sokka didn't want to be mad. He really _really_ didn't. Azula didn't fight fair, of course not, but Zuko should've seen that coming. He knew his sister better than Sokka ever would, and even Sokka knew Azula wasn't going to let Zuko win.

On the other hand, he and Zuko were trapped in some crystal cave thing with no idea if Toph and Uncle were in any position to help and no chance of escape themselves without working together. (And also he hated thinking _fuck_ so close to Zuko for such unpleasant reasons.)

And also also, the little dumb ass was injured. It was kind of hard to stay mad at an injured person, especially when you couldn't tell the extent of the damage. Not for the first time, Sokka wished he had his sister's magic (and it _was_ magic, no matter what she claimed), then maybe he could heal Zuko and start planning their escape. As it was, Sokka was too worried to go looking around to assess their options. What if Zuko was badly injured? What if he started seizing or something? _What is Azula showed up_?

"You better be ok, honey bunnyfly. I've grown too attached to you."

"D'ncuhm'thuh." _...'Don't call me that'?_

Then Zuko's head rolled to the side and he was unconscious again.

 _He woke up for two seconds to complain about the_ _ **pet name**_ _I used?_ _ **That's**_ _what gets him moving?_ Sokka smirked. _My time has come._

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

"Cuddly turtleduck."

"Mmm..."

"Snookums."

"Uuh."

"My precious poodle monkey."

"Uugh."

"Sugar snuggle butt."

" _Uugh_."

Sokka started trailing wet, obnoxious kisses over the firebender's face. He was sure Zuko was actually awake but going into another angst overload. Except, you know, an _actual_ angst overload, not the panic attack Toph had called an angst overload. Sokka had to cut off the angst _now_ , while there was time, and get Zuko working with him on their escape.

Sokka had always been an expert at distracting people from their problems. Just ask Katara.

Ok, not Katara, she would lie so as not to encourage his antics. Ask Aang. Aang would tell the truth.

"My beloved dragon warrior."

Zuko lifted his head slightly, looking at Sokka out of the corner of his good eye. "That one's not so bad."

"That's the one I'll settle on if you move your perfectly toned ass and help me find an escape route." Sokka smacked said ass and helped his boyfriend sit up.

"I am so stupid."

"Could you say that again around witnesses?"

"I should never have confronted Azula. I've had to neglect my training to live here and she was always better than me, anyway." Sokka wrapped his arm around Zuko comfortingly. "I am just _so tired_ of running away."

"I know, dragon. I'd be sick of running, too." Sokka rubbed his back and kissed him gently on the cheek. "Which makes me feel extra shitty about what I'm about to say next; we need to get the hell out of here."

"You've slipped those _Bell Ringer_ references into your regular vernacular quite nicely."

"And you're using big words to distract me from helping you. Let's go." Sokka stood and pulled Zuko to his feet. "We need to split up and look for weak points. Stay in shouting distance, dragon."

"...You know, now that I think about it, I don't think 'dragon' is going to work, either. Uncle is called 'The Dragon of the West'."

"That's fair. What else spits fire?"

"I'll get back to you on that."

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

There was no way out. No way out without earthbending, at least. Their prison was a completely enclosed cavern with no way of telling how long they would have to dig to get to the surface, but knowing Azula, it was long enough that they would get caught by Dai Li before they ever got close. They needed Toph. Or Aang. Preferably Toph, what with her being closer and better at earthbending and not a pacifist.

"So what do we do now, Ani?" Sokka asked as he collapsed onto the ground. They had been searching for hours for a weak point before finally calling it quits.

"Now, I work on my forms. I have a lot of catching up to do." Zuko started to stretch and go through his breathing exercises. "You try to find something you can use as a weapon."

Of course, they had taken away his sword and boomerang. Sokka missed the sword - he had been getting really good with it - but losing his boomerang really stung. He'd had it for years. It was a present from his father before the chief left to fight in the war. Sokka had had that boomerang right by his side for years. He almost didn't know what to do without it.

Almost, but not quite. He had to stay strong. He had to get away. He had to punch Azula in the face even though she was a girl and he wasn't supposed to hit girls but she barely counted really and she _so_ deserved it and wow was Sokka getting off topic. A weapon. Right.

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

They sat around the fire Zuko had built. There wasn't much point, since they had no food to cook and Zuko could keep them both plenty warm with his innate flame, but it helped them feel better.

"How'd training go?" Sokka asked. He, himself, had found a few things he could use as a decent club, but nothing that would be affective against benders. He would have to rely solely on his smarts for this one. Good thing he had so much to tap into.

"Fine. I didn't forget anything, muscle memory and all, but I haven't improved any and I was already so far behind." The fire flared slightly, and Zuko sighed heavily, upset at his unintentional display of emotion.

"It'll be ok, Ani." Sokka rested his head on the firebender's shoulder. "You know how hard it is to keep Toph or Uncle contained. They probably escaped and are planning our rescue right now."

"You're probably right."

"I'm always right."

"What about the time we went to that 'dance club' you'd heard so much about but-"

"We do not speak of that if we wish to get laid."

Zuko cracked a small smile. And Katara always complained about Sokka telling jokes at inappropriate times. She knew nothing of distraction and that's why she was always getting kidnapped.

(Sokka was only kidnapped twice and that was because he was helping someone else who was getting kidnapped so it didn't count.)

"By the way, 'Ani'? At first I thought you were saying 'honey' but you'd already used that one."

"Uh..."

Zuko bumped Sokka's head off his shoulder and forced him to look the older teen in the eye.

"Come on," the ex-prince said. "If you've settled on a pet name, I should at least know what it is."

"It's short for 'Ani Hyuntikwalaski'." Zuko blinked. Sokka sighed and continued; "It's the Water Tribe name for The Thunderers, a clan of powerful storm spirits. Way back when we lived alongside the spirits, the Ani Hyuntikwalaski lived in the skies and commanded the thunder and lightning." **(5)**

"I can't shoot lightning, Sokka." Zuko looked embarrassed by the admission. "I've tried but I have 'too much inner turmoil'."

"I know you can't," Sokka said. "I probably would've seen it by now if you could."

"Then why...?"

Sokka blushed and desperately tried to convince himself he didn't. "That first night we spent together... your skin sounded like thunder." Zuko smirked. "Shut up."

"I didn't say anything."

"You thought it."

"Oh, you can read minds now?"

"Yes."

"What am I thinking, then?"

"'God, my boyfriend's sexy'?"

"...Lucky guess."

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

 **Zuko**

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

"I know the rule is not to talk about war stuff," Sokka said, "but the war kind of just bit us both in the ass."

"I'm not involved with the war anymore, Sokka."

"Yes you are," Sokka insisted. "Banished or not, _you_ are the rightful heir to the Fire Nation throne. You were _born_ involved in this war."

Zuko poked at the fire. He didn't _want_ to be involved in the war. Not anymore. Not again.

It was still cliché as all hell, but his travels through the Earth Kingdom _had_ shown him something; the world hated the Fire Nation, and the Fire Nation deserved it.

"Fine, I _can't_ be involved in this war anymore."

"Why?" The fire flared. "I don't mean anything by it," Sokka soothed as the fire died down again. "I just think this is something you need to work through, and the best way to do that is by asking yourself questions. I figured it'd be easier for you if I asked them, instead."

Sokka hesitantly scooted over to Zuko and nudged him a few times with his shoulder. Zuko frowned but wrapped his arm around the Water Tribesman.

"In the Fire Nation schools, we are taught that we're the best, that our country is the strongest, the wealthiest, and the most advanced," Zuko said. "We are told it is our duty to lead the world into a new age." Zuko tightened his hold and Sokka snuggled closer. "But it's a lie. All I was ever taught was a lie. The world hates us. They're afraid of us, and they should be. We've ruined their lives and we're told they should be thankful. I can't support that."

"So why don't you join Team Avatar?" 'Join me', went unsaid, but Zuko heard it. He was sure Sokka had excluded it to avoid emotional manipulation, but knowing Sokka cared enough to do that really just made it worse.

"I can't betray my father like that."

"You're father's kind of an asshole."

"He's my _father_ ," Zuko said fiercely before he sighed, defeated. "And he wasn't always like this."

It was that damn crown. Ozai hadn't exactly been Father of the Year before, but he hadn't been so bad until he'd been named Fire Lord. It was a heavy burden, leading an entire people, and his father had never been one to bear loads of others. He shouldn't have been named next in line. Had Uncle still his birthright, this senseless war would have been over already.

"We _really were_ a family, you know. Once upon a time."

"So you admit you're not a family now."

"...Why are you doing this?" Zuko whispered sadly.

"Because you deserve better."

Zuko had chased Sokka and his family all over the world to turn a child over to a man Zuko _knew_ would spare no mercy, and the Water Tribesman said Zuko deserved better. How had he gotten so lucky? How had this beautiful person picked him?

"Can we just get some sleep now, please?"

"Of course, Ani."

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

Zuko wrapped his arms tighter around Sokka, burying his nose in the nape of his boyfriend's neck. He smelled like dirt and frustration but Zuko didn't care. Sokka was there. He'd come after his dumbass. He _cared_.

Zuko was going to mock him so bad when they got out.

He heard the sound of rocks shifting and tried to relax his muscles. If the Dai Li thought he was still asleep he might be able to take them by surprise.

"Wake up, pretties, we need to haul ass." _Toph?_

"Toph!" Apparently, Zuko wasn't the only one faking sleep.

"That's right! Toph and Iroh; salvation is here!" Toph bended the earth beneath them, shooting them both into the air. Zuko landed on his feet. Sokka did not.

Zuko rushed to help him up. "Baby, you ok?" Hey, if Sokka wasn't going to use the pet name, Zuko might as well take it for a spin.

"Fine, I'm fine."

"Move it, lovebirds. We questioned a Dai Li agent to find this place," Toph told them. "Azula's planning a coup against the Earth King. They're gonna take out all the generals and bring down the walls of Ba Sing Se."

Zuko found himself unsurprised.

"Aang and Katara are waiting a few chambers over," Toph continued. "We figured you might not want them walking in on you two snuggled up together."

Zuko found himself very surprised. _The two of them agreed to stay back?_

"I sent them in the wrong direction when we split up to search. They may be under the impression you two are in a suspended cage somewhere." **(6)**

Well that explained it.

"You two go on ahead," Uncle Iroh said, gesturing to Sokka and Toph. "Go help your friends. I must talk with Zuko." They left. Sokka looked back at Zuko only once. Zuko tried to smile encouragingly, but was only half sure he'd done so convincingly as the two disappeared from the cavern.

"Why are you working with the Avatar?" Zuko asked as soon as their footsteps had faded.

"Not right now, nephew." Uncle placed his hands on Zuko's shoulders. "It is time we talked. You are not the man you used to be, Zuko. You are stronger and wiser and freer than you have ever been."

Zuko smiled. He'd already known what Uncle was saying. He'd never felt so right before. Not since he'd last spent time with his mother. Not since his face had been unscarred. Zuko had changed and changed again and finally, he had become someone he was proud of. Someone _Uncle_ was proud of. Someone, he believed, his mother would have been proud of.

"And now you have come to the crossroads of your destiny. It is time for you to choose." Uncle smiled, his eyes filled with joy. "It is time for you to choose good."

And then the crystals encased him.

"Uncle!"

"I expected this kind of treachery from Uncle," Azula said as Zuko took a stance in front of the trapped general. Two Dai Li agents flanked her. "But Zuko, _Prince_ Zuko, you're a lot of things, but you're not a traitor, are you?"

"Release him immediately." Zuko was outnumbered and outranked. Had they not taken Uncle out, the two of them might have stood a chance, but at the moment all Zuko could do was make empty demands. _Why_ had they split from the others? _Why_? Uncle couldn't have waited to talk until _after_ they'd escaped?

 _Damn it all_.

"It's not too late for you, Zuko," Azula continued, ignoring Zuko's order as she always had in the past. "You can still redeem yourself."

 _Redeem myself?_

"The kind of redemption she offers is not for you," Uncle urged him.

 _Right._ Zuko could forge his own redemption. He didn't need Azula's scraps. It didn't matter how much easier it would be to take them. He had always fought, and he was so tired of it, but he could damn well fight some more. It would be so simple... _But it wouldn't be me._

"Why don't you let _him_ decide, Uncle?" Her voice was as sharp as ever until she turned to Zuko, suddenly speaking with a plea, with a _weakness_ , hidden in her tone. "I need you, Zuko."

Zuko froze. _What?_

"I've plotted every move of this day, this glorious day in Fire Nation History, and the only way we win is together."

 _Azula is lying._

"At the end of this day, you will have your honor back."

 _Azula is_ _ **lying**_ _._

"You will have Father's love."

 _Azula. Is._ _ **Lying**_ _._

"You will have everything you want."

 _Why does Azula_ _ **always lie**_ _?_

"Zuko, I am begging you."

 _Uncle never lies._

"Look into your heart and see what it is you truly want."

 _Uncle never lies, not to me. Never to me._

 _What do I want? I want my honor. I want my home. I want what's best for my people. I want what's best for the_ _ **world**_ _. I want this whole thrice-forsaken war to not have happened in the first place. I want to travel back to Sozin's time and punch him in the face._

 _...I want my family._

"You are free to choose." Azula left. Azula's Dai Li left. **(7)**

 _But only one member of my family has always wanted me._

"Uncle." The Great Dragon was never meant to look so weak, look so desperate. Desperate over Zuko. He was the only one who'd always cared. "How do we get you out of this?"

And the Dragon smiled.

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

 **Sokka**

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

"So, you didn't let Katara catch us because...?"

"What, I can't be nice?"

Sokka blinked. Toph couldn't see, but she knew. He knew she did.

"Fine." Toph glared at nothing, but Sokka was sure it was meant for him. "I figured we had more important things to worry about. I want to have the spare time to bask in the havoc Katara is going to bring."

"Yeah, that makes a lot more sense."

"Shut up."

"Yes ma'am." They walked in silence. For about a minute. "Their timing is pretty perfect, huh?"

" _Yeah_ it is," Toph agreed. "They got your letter at the best possible moment."

"I guess in all the crap that's happened recently, at least we have that going for us. And you said I was overreacting about mailing them when we saw Ty Lee," Sokka said mockingly.

" _No_ , I said you were overreacting about us running to tell Zuko," Toph corrected him.

"And I was right about _that_ , too!"

" _That_ led to us going to the Earth King which led to Azula finding out your boy toy-"

" _Man_ toy."

"-is in Ba Sing Se and that we knew she and her minions were disguised as Kyoshi Warriors."

"...Shut up."

Toph turned to Sokka menacingly before suddenly stopping and forming an earth platform beneath them.

"No more time to dawdle!" Toph yelled over the rushing wind as she sent them racing through the Crystal Catacombs. "Azula just found Aang and Katara."

 _Shit shit shit shit shit - wait._

"Did you just say 'dawdle'?"

"I've been spending too much time with Iroh."

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

It took longer to find their missing friends than it really should have. Toph and Sokka had decided to take the long way around to find them, originally, to give them a chance to discuss how to break the knowledge of Sokka and Zuko's relationship to the two benders. They'd thought they had time. That mistake had taken them seven chambers away from Aang and Katara, a far cry from the two they had started at.

Sokka tried to get Toph to tell him what was happening with their friends, but she kept shushing him so she could concentrate. Sokka couldn't take it; he couldn't take the not knowing, the unrelenting suspense. Was Aang ok? Was Katara ok? Was _Zuko_ ok? Not that he was more concerned about Zuko's well being than he was about his family's, but Azula was around, and according to Zuko she was a master of manipulation. Sokka had faith in Zuko - he _did_ \- but Zuko had no faith in himself. He might just fall back to the familiar rather than face the opportunity to change and risk failing.

They finally arrived at the cavern where their friends were fighting. Sokka was never happier to be wrong.

Aang and Katara were facing off against the Dai Li. Zuko and Iroh fought Azula. Sokka was so proud.

Zuko landed a nice hit on Azula, who growled angrily when he laughed at her tauntingly. Sokka was so turned on.

"Let's go, Snoozles!"

"No!"

" _What_?" Toph said incredulously, discretely twitching her foot to throw off a Dai Li agent's aim.

"They have it handled, but you and I need to set up an escape route," Sokka told her.

"But-"

"But nothing! Can you _not fight_ _ **just this once**_?" Sokka yelled, ready to just shake some sense into the twelve-year-old.

" _Fine_. But I hate you." She formed a new platform and sent them flying toward the cave she and Aang had formed to get into the caverns. The Dai Li had collapsed it, but it wouldn't take too long for her to carve it out again.

"Lying's a sin, Cookie."

"'Cookie'?"

"What, you're the only one who can have nicknames?"

"Mine make sense."

"Cookie, like 'tough cookie'." Sokka gasped dramatically. " _Toph_ Cookie!"

"I will kill you."

"And there's that lying agai- Aah! Don't hurt me!"

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

 **Zuko**

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

Zuko was fighting his sister. He was fighting his sister, which was preventing her from fighting the Avatar. The Avatar was being protected by Zuko. Who was fighting his sister, Azula. Who was trying to kill the Avatar but couldn't because of Zuko. Who was fighting her. Which helped the Avatar.

Zuko couldn't wrap his mind around it and decided only a minute into the fight not to try. Azula was too good. He had to keep his wits about him.

Or she'd win. And then go after the Avatar. Who Zuko was helping.

If Zuko had known how dating Sokka would lead to him being confused about everything he'd ever thought he'd known about himself or his life, he wouldn't have done it. (might not have done it) (probably would have reconsidered) (who was he kidding; Sokka was his now and there was no going back) (plus, Uncle was happy, which is always a good reason to do something)

"What is _wrong_ with you, Zuko?" Azula yelled at him, firing off another blast. Pun intended. Zuko was spending too much time with Sokka. "Do you _like_ living like a peasant?"

"I like it better than living with you!"

Then Azula shot lightning at him and Zuko decided not to try anymore witty banter. It was really more of a Sokka or Toph thing, anyway. He also decided to completely ignore whatever Azula was saying to try and get in his head, which had the added bonus of annoying her, even if it also made her fire stronger.

Oh well, can't have everything.

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

How many hits on the waterbender does it take to get to the desperate Avatar center of an Aang-pop? Way less than it should have been, if Zuko counted correctly (six), but he was a little preoccupied with his own fight to take any sort of inventory of Team Avatar's injuries.

They hadn't been fighting nearly as long as they could've, but Aang seemed to realize what Zuko had known all along; there was no way in hell they were winning. Aang and Katara were too tired from their long journey back to Ba Sing Se, Zuko and Uncle hadn't had any opportunity to keep up with their training, Sokka didn't have any of his weapons, and Toph couldn't help while she was fixing Plan B.

More Dai Li would show up - not-exhausted Dai Li - with Mai and Ty Lee right behind them, and if even _half_ of the things Sokka had told him about those girls was true, they might as well just bend over at that point because they were fucked.

But Zuko digressed. Aang was getting desperate, and it was showing. His bending was getting sloppy and his dodging was getting slower until finally he just locked himself in an earth cocoon.

Zuko wanted to break it open and drag him out - how dare he just hunker down when they were fighting for their lives? - but then a light started shining through the cracks of the cocoon. And then Aang was floating away from it, his eyes and tattoos glowing.

 _Is this the Avatar State?_

It was incredible, the awesome power emitting from the last airbender. Zuko was in awe. He was humbled. He was amazed.

He wasn't paying attention to Azula.

" _Aang_!"

The scream the child let out would haunt him.

Katara caught the fallen Avatar and rushed him away on a powerful wave. Iroh took the Dai Li officers out from behind. Zuko took one last look at his sister - at her cruelly satisfied smirk that he had known so well - and rushed off. She wouldn't chase him. She had what she wanted.

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

Katara healed Aang, but he wouldn't wake up.

King Kuei had escaped, but Ba Sing Se had fallen.

They were all alive, but every single one of them had a bounty on their heads.

 _What do we do now?_ Zuko thought, looking back at the soon-to-be destroyed city they had flown away from. He had left everything. He had burned his last bridge. He had betrayed his father.

"Your father betrayed you a long time ago." Sokka smiled gently at Zuko's confused look. "Mind reader, remember?"

"Get out of my head." Despite his words, Zuko's voice was soft and his lips curved into a small smile.

"Make me."

"Excuse me." Oh yeah, other people.

Oh _shit_ , other people.

"Not to detract from the seriousness of Aang's _near dead_ condition," Katara continued, oblivious to the widely grinning Toph and Uncle shushing each other and giggling, "but _one_ , why are Zuko and General Iroh here in the first place, and _two_ , why is Zuko _**cuddling with you**_?"

"...He's warm?"

"And you're sweating."

Katara glared at them. She had nothing on Azula - Katara wouldn't _really_ kill them - but _shit_ she was scary.

"Uuuuhhhh..."

Sokka glanced at Zuko out of the corner of his eye, but all Zuko could think was that Sokka better not be expecting Zuko to jump in with an explanation. Katara was _Sokka's_ sister and _Sokka's_ responsibility. Katara wouldn't hurt her brother; Zuko was a whole other matter.

"Hmmmmmmm..."

Sokka wasn't going to say a damn thing.

"Toph, you wanna field this one?" Zuko said to the earthbender.

" _They're dating_!" she burst out, finally losing her control over her laughter, Uncle joining her once he'd seen the look on Katara's face.

"You're _dating_ my _brother_?" she said faintly. " _You're_ dating _my_ brother?" She couldn't seem to say the words in a way that made sense to her. Her expression hardened. " _You're_ _ **dating**_ _MY_ _ **brother**_?" But her ability to put a different emphasis on each word was very impressive under normal circumstances.

"Remember out deal, Toph!" Zuko said desperately. Katara had snapped out of her shock quicker than he expected her to and her reaction was _not_ favorable.

"Can't do anything about Sugar Queen from up here, Sparky."

" _ **YOU**_!" Katara shrieked, her voice filled with rage as she reached for her water pouch.

Uncle stopped laughing.

"What? What's happening?" Toph asked, shaking her head back and forth as if that would tell her anything.

It was going to be a _long_ flight.

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

 **Sokka**

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

"Katara, no! I like him!" Sokka cried, moving to cut off Katara's view of his boyfriend. "Plus, we can't fight on Appa! Someone could fall off." The waterbender reluctantly lowered her arms. "Plus plus, he's cute." Sokka looked at Zuko with a lovesick expression more commonly seen on a child experiencing their first crush.

Would Zuko try to top it?

"You're _cuter_." Zuko cooed, cupping Sokka's face in his hands and rubbing their noses together.

Of course he would.

Toph started howling again as the lovers began making nonsense sounds at each other. Iroh looked on indulgently - as was his habit. Katara looked ready to vomit off the side of the sky bison.

This was definitely _not_ helping Sokka's case with Katara, but he was sure she would get over it.

Well, ok, maybe not _sure_ , but hey, Sokka could dream, couldn't he?

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

(1) This conversation is one of the first things I wrote for this story

(2) The Bell Ringer, for those who are wondering, is in fact Notre Dame de Paris, just all the French stuff taken out. In the fanon for this story, some theater diehards wrote up our equivalent to Christianity. The people who play Frollo traditionally live by the rules of Christianity for a few weeks to prepare for their role. I made all of that up so I could get away with saying things like "oh my god" and "damn it all to hell". I in no way mean any disrespect toward Christianity.

(3) Toph spent all her free time around Earth Rumble dudes; I like to think she overheard shit like this or asked them questions and they - being the douchey older brother asshole types - explained things to her and made a shitton of jokes

(4) I had to. It just sort of happened. I wrote "you hate everything" and this came out, how could I not?

(5) All of this is accurate according to some quick Googling I did when I decided Sokka was going to use a Indigenous American reference as a pet name, since the water tribe is based off of Indigenous tribes, (more specifically, Inuit people, though this spirit is not Inuit to my knowledge, I was just too lazy to narrow the search terms to include only Inuit mythos). But, like I said, it was very quick Googling. Therefore, I only know what I typed.

(6) Originally, I had a scene where Uncle, Toph, Aang, and Katara found Sokka and Zuko together. I had written part of it when I decided I wanted the same basic fight scene from the episode so I wouldn't have to write a new one because I suck at that, and so took Katara and Aang out to do the same mission Toph and Sokka originally did. Then I remembered Kuei had already fled and just sent Aang and Katara on a wild goose chase. I really liked the scene, though, so here it is:

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

Zuko wrapped his arms tighter around Sokka, burying his nose in the nape of his boyfriend's neck. He smelled like dirt and frustration but Zuko didn't care. He'd always loved the signs of effort in other people.

He heard the sound of rocks shifting and tried to relax his muscles. If the Dai Li thought he was still asleep he might be able to take them by surprise.

"See?" a smug young voice said. "I told you they were bumpin' uglies." Why am I friends with Toph?

...Toph! Zuko opened his eyes to the sight of Toph and Uncle standing with the Avatar and... Sokka's sister. Shit.

"Sokka! Get away from him!" Katara waterbent a whip at Zuko, shoving him away from her brother.

"Katara!" Sokka screeched as his sister started shooting icicles at his boyfriend. Zuko melted the first few projectiles before Toph bent an earth shield in front of the royal. "Stop trying to kill my boy toy!"

"Hey!"

"Sorry, Ani." Sokka nodded to Zuko hiding behind Toph's wall and turned back to Katara. "Man toy."

"Thank you."

"Sokka-!"

"Katara, Toph warned you," Aang said, holding his hand up to stop the waterbender. "Let's argue after we get out of here."

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

And then I ended up skipping over the fight scene anyway. Oh well.

(7) Taken directly - with some minor rephrasing - from The Crossroads of Destiny


	2. Desperate Times, Something Something

**A/N: WELCOME BACK TO THE SHAME BASEMENT**

Ok, so the Zukka story was way more popular than anticipated. The thirst for this ship is real. Anyway, I figured since it was so loved, I'd try adding some one-shots of various times in my dork sons' lives. I probably won't do too many, and if I write more than this one, there's a good chance they won't be in chronological order.

 **Pairings:** Zuko/Sokka, all others irrelevant

 **Timeline:** After the GAang +2 have fled Ba Sing Se/found Hakoda and his men/Kuei has left to wander the Earth Kingdom, before they capture a ship/find Pipsqueak and The Duke/Aang wakes up.

 **Warnings:** same as chapter one and this originally took place after they'd hijacked the Fire Nation boat but then I decided that wouldn't work and changed it to the Water Tribe camp, but there still might be some references to them being on a ship that I might have missed.

 **Fun Fact:** The original title for _It Was An Accident_ was _Desperate Times, Desperate Zuko_. This was when I intended the story to be much shorter, but once it expanded out of my control, I decided the title no longer fit as well as it first did. It still made me giggle, though, so I tweaked it a little and recycled it for this story.

 **Disclaimer:** Not mine. My life is empty.

 **Special thanks to BiJane** , who I discussed this story with and who gave me some great ideas for it (which will be specified at the end so as to avoid spoilers). Find the lovely BiJane on FFN, Tumblr, and AO3. They enjoy Doctor Who, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, various super hero fandoms, and more! I particularly enjoy their _Carmilla the Webseries_ fanfics, so if you enjoy useless lesbian vampires, check them out.

 **Summary:** Sure, Sokka might have lied to his father about a few fairly important things, and ok, yes, he hadn't really taken anyone else's feelings into account when he panicked enough to tell said lies, but still, he was almost positive he had done nothing to deserve this. Try telling that to Zuko, though. How had Sokka forgotten how evil his boyfriend used to be?

 **Minor editing done 11/11/16**

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

 **Sokka**

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

"Rule one," Sokka said from his position guarding the stew pot, "no one eats until everyone stops threatening each other."

"Yeah right," Toph scoffed, easily grabbing a bowl of stew before kicking her feet up on a nearby log.

"Ok, no one but Toph."

"But Sokka-!"

"No, dad."

"Baby, they're the ones-"

" _Zuko_."

"Why is he calling you ' _baby_ '?!"

" _Everyone shut up_!"

It was all Katara's fault, really. Well, maybe a teeny tiny bit also Sokka and Zuko's fault for goading her, but she was supposed to be the mature one - ages be damned! - so clearly she should've been above such petty things as snitching to daddy.

Apparently she was not.

 _Who're the new recuits?_ Dad had asked.

 _Oh,_ Katara had said, _they're just Prince Zuko and General Iroh of the Fire Nation. Where should I put Aang?_

And that was when Sokka decided he no longer had a sister.

It took a lot of shouting and a _lot_ of swearing and - while not _completely_ necessary - a lot of Toph trapping people in rock, but eventually Sokka got everyone calmed down.

Then Bato picked up his spear and Zuko took it as a threat and then the arguing started anew.

"Now, everyone is going to put their weapons down nice and slow, and then we are all going to sit down for a good meal and some catching up," Sokka said.

"Right, like they can 'put down' their _firebending_ ," one of the Water Tribe soldiers spat out.

"Not like you guys can stop out numbering them, either," Toph pointed out. Uncle hummed in agreement around a mouthful of stew he'd managed to swipe from the cooking pot. Zuko _had_ always warned Sokka that Uncle was a sneaky one.

"See? Everyone's at a disadvantage. Now grab a bowl and form a line." There was grumbling from the group as they moved towards the pot. " _Quietly_."

Sokka served himself and Zuko - himself because he deserved it for all the crap he'd just put up with, and Zuko because he knew his father and the warriors would be sure to leave enough food for each other but Sokka couldn't be sure they would leave any for the firebenders on board - before making his way to the log Toph and Uncle were placing bets at.

Sokka decided not to wade into that particular pond and redirected his path to a spot just to the right of the pair. Zuko followed silently.

"So."

"So."

Sokka didn't like this. He didn't like feeling so awkward around someone he'd felt so free with before. He didn't like watching Zuko pick at his food instead of telling bad jokes he'd learned from books or worse jokes he'd learned from Uncle. He didn't like his reunion with his father being tainted by the man's anger and paranoia at the royal men's presence.

"It'll be ok, baby." Sokka looked to Zuko, who softly smiled at him. "Your dad's just worried. Everyone is." Zuko put his hand on Sokka's knee comfortingly. "We'll work something out. You know how convincing Uncle can be."

"I thought I was the mind reader."

"And I thought I was the bossy one."

"You can sleep in your own tent tonight."

"I'll steal all your blankets."

" _Curses_! Foiled again!"

"...You are so lucky you're cute."

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

It was odd, being around his father again. Sokka hadn't had to answer to someone for so long. Even when he and Katara had still been at the South Pole with Gran Gran, Sokka hadn't actually been socially ranked under the old woman. Sokka was the Man of the Household, only son to the chief; no one expected him to report to them if he was going hunting or camping or just going to disappear for a while. Sokka still did it, granted, but that was out of respect for his Gran Gran, not because he was obligated to. As much as Sokka had missed his father, he was reallly starting to miss his freedom more.

 _"Why are there members of the Fire Nation royal family in this campsite?"_

 _"Didn't that Zuko kid kidnap you and Katara once?"_

 _"Do you_ know _what General Iroh did to Ba Sing Se?"_

Sokka stopped trying to explain himself after almost an hour and only being able to get out one word answers.

 _"Because."_

 _"Yes."_

 _"Duh."_

Dad had gotten too worked up to really notice how many questions he was repeating. Soon, he'd stop paying attention to whether or not someone was listening to him and Sokka would be able to sneak away to Zuko's tent.

Sokka knew he and his dad needed to talk. They had a lot to discuss - the war, the family, Sokka's exciting new dating life that was probably going to go down in the history books as some 'redeeming love' crap instead of the hilarious clusterfuck it was - and Sokka _wanted_ to discuss them. And they _would_ discuss them.

Later.

Once Uncle had had some time to work his magic and calm Dad down. Yeah. Good plan.

"And why did the prince call you 'baby'?" Dad asked suddenly. "What right does he have?"

Ok, new plan.

" _Uuuuuuhhhmmm_..." This was not going to end well.

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

 **Zuko**

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

Zuko was going to kill Sokka. Sure, the jerk's family would kill him back almost immediately, but at least Sokka wouldn't be able to talk anymore. And Zuko wouldn't feel anymore homicidal rage - always a nice bonus. Uncle would be sad for a while, but Toph would be there to distract him. She was very good at that.

"So," Zuko began, turning to his _very_ lucky to be cute boyfriend, "you told your dad I have a crush on you." It wasn't a question, but Sokka replied;

"Yes."

"An unrequited crush."

"...Yes."

"Because you don't like me back."

"As far as my dad knows..."

"And you put up with me calling you 'baby' because... you _feel bad for me_."

Zuko's voice was like steel and Sokka grimaced. Good. He should feel bad. He should feel _terrible_. He should jump off the surrounding cliffs and spare Zuko the trouble of pushing him.

"I told him not to spread it around." Zuko glared harder. "Do I start apologizing now or later?"

"You _start_ apologizing now and don't stop until I'm sick of dealing with you, you _asshole_."

"Ani, I am _so_ -"

" _Don't call me that_." Zuko tore his arm away from Sokka's reach.

"I only just got my dad back. I didn't want to start a fight so soon after finding him again. _I panicked, ok_?"

"Not ok!" Zuko was going to punch him. He was going to break up with him because hitting your significant other is wrong and then he was going to punch him _so hard_. "First and _most important_ of all, you've made me seem like a pathetic fool! I have to earn those Water Tribesmen's respect if we're going to work together to take my father down and that's not going to happen as long as their leader thinks I'm desperately chasing after you." Sokka looked away in shame. "Second, you _know_ Toph's going to make as many jokes as she can about us sleeping together so your lie isn't going to hold up for very long anyway."

"Actually," Sokka said, perking up suddenly, "I thought of that. I-"

"Shut up." He did. "Third, _what the fuck_? Did you think for a single second how I would feel about this? Did you even _care_?"

Zuko didn't know what to do. He didn't know what to say. He understood - _really_ , he did. Wanting to please your father, wanting to have his respect? Zuko had only been chasing after his own father's love _his entire life_ before waking up and smelling the delusion. But what Sokka had done, what he'd _said_... Was he so ashamed of them? Or was Hakoda so unaccepting? Zuko didn't know which one he preferred to believe, but he knew he didn't want to spend another lifetime working for affection he thought he'd already earned.

"I really am sorry." Zuko knew he meant it, Sokka rarely looked so serious, but he just wanted to be mad for a while.

"Whatever."

Maybe a long while.

Zuko walked away.

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

 **Sokka**

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

Sokka knew he'd fucked up. He didn't need anyone to tell him that, which is why he didn't go to Toph to talk about how to fix things with Zuko. He didn't go to Uncle because Zuko was probably talking to him already, (and as laid back as Uncle was, Sokka was fully aware he could and probably would kick Sokka's ass for the stunt he pulled on his beloved nephew), and Sokka couldn't talk to his dad because _duh_. Which left him with Katara. Which was just a bad idea all around, but hey, Sokka was always full of those so he might as well.

" _Ah-haha ha_!"

Ok, a _really_ bad idea. Sokka had no idea what he was thinking when he decided to ask his sister for advice on how to un-humiliate his boyfriend, who she didn't even like. Probably all those years of being conditioned to look to her as a figure of wisdom. Thankfully, that mental image should be nice and dead now. Un-thankfully, it didn't die sooner and now he had to deal with this nonsense.

"That's great," Katara said, wiping tears of laughter from her eyes, "but don't you think it would've been easier to just break up with him upfront?"

"I don't want to break up with him!" Sokka said. "I just don't want to deal with telling Dad that we're dating until more important things are out of the way, like say, oh, I don't know, just spitballing here, _the war_."

"And you couldn't have just told Dad that?"

"Do you think he would have accepted that answer? _Really_? The answer to that riddle is 'no'."

Katara was supposed to be more helpful than this. Damn his previous delusions! Just another thing to add to his list of fuck ups.

"Face it, Sokka; you said what you did because you know Dad wouldn't approve, and you know Dad has a point," Katara said. "Dating the son of the man trying to kill us? Do you realize how ridiculous that sounds?"

"I don't care!" Sokka replied. "I'm _always_ ridiculous! Have you _met_ me? And I really like Zuko and I fucked up and I'd rather be talking to someone else but for various reasons, you're all I've got right now, so break out the advice and _help me_!"

"Move on."

Sokka clenched his fists. He didn't get so angry at Katara very often, but she was really pushing his patience. But he didn't probably ruin his relationship to avoid complications with his father just to drive away a different family member, so he swallowed down his rage.

"What _exactly_ is your problem with us, anyway?" Most of his rage.

Katara blinked before raising a single eyebrow sarcastically and really that was just not fair because one, sarcasm was _Sokka's_ thing and two, since when was she able to raise a single eyebrow and how the hell did she do it sarcastically. Could _everyone_ raise a single eyebrow except him?

"What is my problem with you dating the person who's chased us all over the world to kill our friend?" Katara asked, cutting off Sokka's steadily derailing train of thought. "Someone who has _literally kidnapped us to use as bait_? Someone who-"

"What is your _problem_ ," Sokka interrupted,"with me dating a man who was fed propaganda his entire life by people he trusted to care about his best interests, but who learned to see through the lies and think for himself and who turned against everything he ever knew to help try and fix the world?"

 _And who I completely screwed over because I was afraid of Dad's reaction and oh my god I am such an asshole._

"And what, we're just supposed to _believe_ that?" Katara asked incredulously. "We're just supposed to _trust him_ when he says he's changed?"

"I don't need you to trust _him_ , I'm asking you to trust _me_ ," Sokka said. "I've spent a lot of time with him, and I believe him when he says he's different now."

"And you're such a stellar judge of character?"

"Better than you!" So he was initially suspicious of Aang; who wouldn't be with the way he randomly appeared in a block of ice, miraculously alive?

"Just because you _like_ him is _no_ reason to trust him."

 _Sokka_ was the one who realized when they were dealing with pirates.

"You're just letting your emotions blind you!" Katara yelled.

 _Sokka_ recognized that Yue was miserable about the identity of her betrothed.

"You can't just let a pretty face-"

 _Sokka_ figured out Jet was a maniac.

"-and a cocky smirk-"

 _Wait a second._

"-and some dumb swords-"

 _HOLY-_

"-distract you from the truth!"

 _-SHIT!_

" _Think_ , Sokka!"

" _This is about Jet_!"

The tent was silent. Katara gaped. Sokka had not meant to say that out loud.

"...Excuse me?"

Sokka gulped, not out of fear, but out of anxiety. Katara didn't sound _angry_ , not really, but she sounded like she was _trying_ to be angry but was really just very very sad. Sokka braced himself. As much as he wanted advice on Zuko, it was time for him to be a big brother.

"...This is about Jet... isn't it?"

Katara's lip shook only once before she bit down on it, looking away from her brother.

"Oh Katara." Sokka held his arms out and Katara collapsed into them.

"I felt like such an _idiot_!" she sobbed. "He seemed so _nice_ , and he _paid attention_ to me, and I just bought his lies! I trusted him over _you_ , and now _you're doing the same thing_!"

That wasn't true. Sokka knew Zuko. He'd spent pretty much two straight weeks with him! They'd only had one rule - don't discuss the war - but they'd talked about almost everything else, things neither of them had shared with another person, things they didn't even want to think about anymore. Sokka could tell when Zuko was lying, (the prince hadn't been exaggerating, he really did suck at it), and he knew the overly dramatic firebender had only ever spoken the truth.

But he could see why Katara thought otherwise.

"I just don't want you to feel as bad as I did."

Sokka should've punched Jet when he'd had the chance. He felt terrible, thinking it when Jet had died helping them, but Sokka just really wanted to punch him.

He would talk to someone else about Zuko. Later. Once Katara felt ok again.

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

 **Zuko**

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

Zuko didn't go to Uncle. As pissed as he was, he still didn't want to sick the Great Dragon on his dumbass of a boyfriend. But Sokka still deserved to be punished, and damn it all, _he would be_.

Zuko went to Toph.

"How's it going, Sparky?" Toph greeted, not even pausing in her exploration of the spaces between her toes.

"Not well, actually," Zuko replied, taking a seat on the ground across from her. "Sokka did something stupid and now I have to hurt him."

"'Break up' hurt him or 'rue the day' hurt him?"

"Rue."

"You've come to the right place." Toph stopped picking, hocked a loogie, and turned her ear to her guest. "Tell Aunt Toph what Snoozles did."

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

"...What the fuck."

"Exactly!" Zuko shouted triumphantly. "That was _exactly_ my reaction!"

"What the _fuck_." Toph couldn't seem to wrap her mind around it. "Ok, first of all, he's _way_ more whipped than you are." Zuko moved to comment, but Toph had already continued on; "Second, he _has_ to know I wouldn't be quiet about you two."

"He says he has a plan about that."

"Third, _what the fuck_? Does he not realize the verbal ass kicking Iroh is going to unleash on him? He's gonna have that guy sobbing and begging for forgiveness in three minutes _flat_."

"Probably," Zuko agreed, "but I don't want that."

"...Huh?"

"Long, heartfelt conversations? Talking through our problems? You know that's not how Sokka and I work." Zuko scoffed. "I mean, I guess we talked about the 'high society' thing, but that was after days of avoiding the topic and distracting each other with sex. I spent more time bar fighting with you than I did with him, those days."

"So, you want to avoid the topic?" Toph asked uncertainly, which was a weird descriptor to use for Toph but was the closest one Zuko could think of to match her tone.

" _So_ , I want to do something ridiculous and convoluted that will eventually twist its way into making him talk to his father." _Duh._

"...Ok, whatever." Toph shrugged. What did she care? She got to be let in on a scheme; she was happy. "Got anything in mind?"

"Yes, actually. Tell me what you think of this..."

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

"That's awful. _You're_ awful. _Do it_."

"...I'm so glad I met you."

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

 **Sokka**

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

Sokka reluctantly made his way to the training grounds near the campsite. The Water Tribe warriors would be running drills at that time and Sokka had been asked to join.

Zuko and Uncle would be there, too, (what with most of the fighters being there and Dad and the others not wanting to leave the firebenders unattended), and Sokka very much wanted to avoid the inevitable confrontation. On the bright side, Sokka had come across no evidence that his dad had told the men about Zuko's "unrequited crush". On the not-so-bright side, Zuko had probably told Uncle about his boyfriend being an asshole and so Sokka was going to have to put up with an hour of soul-crushingly disappointed looks and maybe a few attempts to light him on fire.

That is not what Sokka found.

On one side of the clearing, General Iroh was sparring against various Water Tribesmen, (teaching them different tricks and tells for fighting firebenders, as Sokka would later find out), and on the other side, Zuko was going over a map with Chief Hakoda.

Zuko - standing closer than strictly polite and angled in a way that so wonderfully showed off his perfectly sculpted form - pointed to something on the map, his other hand resting lightly on Hakoda's arm.

 _Oh_ _ **hell**_ _no._

"What are we looking at?" Sokka borderline shouted as he made his way to his father and boyfriend, unsubtly wedging himself between them.

"I was just telling Hakoda about the Gates of Azulon," Zuko answered.

"It guards a river that'd take us straight to the firelord's palace!" Dad said. "We just need to figure out how to get past them."

"Your father's had some _really_ good ideas for that." Zuko was clearly talking to Sokka, though his eyes didn't leave the chief.

"Well, that's great and all but the gates are too straight forward," Sokka said, trying and failing to force his way into Zuko's sight line. "Since Azula knows about the initial invasion plans, we need to scrap them completely and start over fresh."

"Actually," Sokka's dad said, oblivious to the shenanigans around him as he examined the map, "I was thinking, even though we know that the Fire Nation knows about the invasion, the Fire Nation probably doesn't know that we know that they know." Zuko pulled a face at the convoluted sentence before smoothing it over to one of rapt attention. _You son of a-_ "So it might be best if we went ahead with the invasion as a diversion, while a small strike team infiltrates the palace from a different entry point."

"Genius."

"Zuko!" Chief Hakoda looked away from the map at the sound of the strangled yelp that was passing itself off as his son's voice. "Why don't you go through the sword fighting drills with the others? Dad and I will come up with some strategies to run past everyone later."

"Shouldn't I stay and help?" Zuko asked innocently. Sokka very carefully refused to acknowledge the smirk he saw hiding behind Zuko's confused frown. His adorable confused frown. "I mean, I do have intimate knowledge of Fire Nation military strategies."

"True, but you should also keep up with your training." Sokka's salvation came unexpectedly from his dad, who smiled knowingly at his son before turning back to Zuko. Sokka sighed with relief. "The two of us can go over the plans during lunch and you can tell me anything I need to know then."

 _Relief is an illusion and so is death._

"Sounds good." Zuko left, sparing them a brief look over his shoulder as he walked away.

"Just you and Zuko, huh?" _No no no no no no no_

"I figured this way you don't have to spend too much time with him," Hakoda said, slinging his arm around Sokka's shoulder. _No no no no_ "Wouldn't want to make things anymore awkward than they already are." _No no no no no no no no_ "It's weird, but he was being really nice. Must want me to put in a good word for him, huh?" Hakoda laughed. It's wasn't a cruel laugh, not a _how-pathetic-of-him-to-think-that_ laugh, more an _isn't-this-situation-so-weird_ laugh, but Sokka cringed, bending low over the map to hide it.

Sokka had been wondering how his boyfriend would get his revenge - he'd considered many different possibilities, from the horror that is a pissed off Uncle to a demonic alliance between Zuko and Katara using Toph as a liason - but never had even the _vaguest_ idea of this crossed his mind, because seriously? _Seriously?_ There was getting revenge and there was _smacking someone down like_ _the hand of God_ and Sokka knew he had done something shitty but he hadn't known it was _so_ shitty that Zuko felt the need to prove himself holy.

How was Sokka supposed to deal with his boyfriend hitting on his _dad_?

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

He wasn't. He wasn't supposed to deal with it. Which was great because Sokka was starting to think it would be physically impossible to.

Every joke, every idea, every training exercise, Zuko was there - there to laugh, there to compliment, there to enthusiastically participate and pair up and _'could you show me that move again? I'm not used to Water Tribe fighting styles'_. Zuko wasn't _really_ flirting, Sokka knew. Zuko didn't laugh at jokes, he smiled when he thought no one was looking. He didn't compliment ideas, he played devil's advocate until the idea was perfected. He didn't have trouble at adapting his fighting style or at the very least he never _ever_ admitted to it. Zuko would never act so out of character for something as petty as _flirting_. This was revenge, pure and simple.

And _Christ_ , was Sokka getting annoyed.

It was Sokka's fault, completely 100% no doubt about it - _Sokka_ lied, _Sokka_ said terrible things about his boyfriend, _Sokka_ did nothing to fix his mistakes, _Sokka_ didn't talk to Zuko about the issue (though, to be fair, neither had Zuko made any attempt to speak to Sokka, but seriously, that wasn't how they handled their shit, anyway) - but that didn't stop the aggrivation.

Sokka knew it was revenge, and he knew the best way to handle said revenge (other than - ew - _talking_ to Zukoabout the problem like an _adult_ ) was to ignore it completely.

That was not a concept Sokka was comfortable with.

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

 **Zuko**

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

"Why are you hitting on my dad?"

"To piss off your brother. Why are you in my tent?"

"To tell you to stay away from my dad."

Katara was not the Water Tribe person Zuko wanted to talk to, but she _was_ someone he needed to clear the air with. Once Sokka snapped and talked to Hakoda and things got back to normal-ish, Sokka would probably appreciate Zuko and Katara being civil.

"I'll stop flirting with your dad when Sokka stops being stupid," Zuko said. "For now, can I get you some tea?"

Katara blinked. "...Excuse me?"

"Tea," Zuko repeated. He could see why Uncle always played host at the most inappropriate times. Katara's expression was pretty funny. "Hot leaf juice. Plant flavored water. Want some?"

"No," Katara deadpanned. "I don't want your tea. I want to know what you have planned for my family."

"Well, for Sokka, I plan to drive him insane until he gets so fed up he blurts out something about us dating, thus forcing him to talk to Hakoda, who from what I've observed, will not understand and will not be happy but _will_ accept Sokka's decisions," Zuko said. "You, I plan to make nice and exchange embarassing Sokka stories with."

"And my father?"

"Heavy flirting, light groping."

"You're a _terrible_ person!" Katara yelled.

 _There it it._ Zuko knew he and Katara needed to clear the air, and if she was anything like Sokka, she spoke most honestly when she was too angry to think about what she was saying.

"Always following us, hunting Aang, trying to capture the world's last hope for peace!" Katara continued to scream at him. "And now you're trying to break my family apart!"

"You don't know what you're talking about!" Zuko knew it was counterprodictive to yell - he was supposed to be giving Katara the opportunity to let out some steam - but this accusation pissed him off. Yeah, he hunted the Avatar, stalked their group from one end of the globe to the other, and tried to take away the last shred of hope the world outside the Fire Nation had, but he was _not_ trying to tear apart the Water Tribe family. _Clearly_ he was trying to help them and _no one was appreciating it._

"I don't? How dare you! You have no idea what this war has put me through! Me personally!"

 _Ooh_ , poor Katara with her loving brother and her loving father and her loving friends. _Clearly_ she was the one the war had affected the most. Boo-fucking-hoo.

"But what do you care? You're the Fire Lord's son. Spreading war and violence and hatred is in your blood!"

And shit just got real. Fine, murder was in his blood, on his _father's_ side! It was like the waterbender was completely ignoring that he had a whole other half to his gene pool. But no, Zuko couldn't yell again. Zuko had to be polite. Zuko had to get Katara to stand to be in his presence so things would be easier for Sokka so the dumb shit Water Tribesman will have one less thing to worry over when he pulled his head out of his ass.

"Hey! The family bloodlust skips the firstborn!"

And that was when Katara attacked him.

 _Sokka would've appreciated the joke._

Due to lack of water in Zuko's tent (because he wasn't that stupid), Katara didn't have anything to bend at him but the ocean too far away for her to reach (because he knew better than to set up his tent too near the water and the tribesmen were only too happy to let him stay far far away). Fortunately for Zuko, she also didn't have any formal training in hand-to-hand combat. Sure, she had her bending forms, but with no idea how to apply them to close range fighting, it was simple enough to subdue her.

"Are you done?" Zuko asked, pinning Katara in place in the least sexual way he knew how. No way was he opening the door to _those_ types of accusations.

" _I hate you_!" Katara yelled as she tried to struggle away. "Get _off me_ , you monster! I hate you!" Even with her violent thrashing, Zuko had a firm grip on her, and this only seemed to enrage her more. "All you and your _horrible_ nation has done is ruin the world and now you're _ruining my family_! Haven't firebenders done enough to us?!"

Katara seemed to deflate, becoming limp in Zuko's hold and panting heavily. Cautiously, Zuko let her go, though he kept his muscles tensed just in case. Katara stepped away from him, her head bent low, her back to the firebender.

"The Fire Nation took my mother away." Her voice was impossibly small, almost fragile. It was so strange to hear that tone coming from the waterbender. Maybe it was that odd vulnerability that earned Zuko's reply;

"That's something we have in common."

The tent was quiet, only the faint sounds of the animals outside breaking the still air.

"...I'm sorry I yelled at you."

 _Yes! Progress!_

"It doesn't matter."

"It's just that... for so long now, whenever I would imagine the face of the enemy, it was your face," Katara said, finally turning to face him only to see Zuko reach for his scar.

"My face? I see."

"No, no! That's - that's not what I meant!"

Zuko knew that. Of course Zuko knew that. It was just habit, by that point - someone mentions faces or fires or scars, Zuko reaches for his eye. At first, it was because anytime someone mentioned those things, they were almost always talking about him. It was his defining feature, obviously. It was hard not to comment on a giant burn across someone's face, but it didn't make it any less annoying when people stared.

(Whenever a stare-er made a clearly innocent comment, Zuko would always pretend to take it personally. Their awkward expressions were always a nice part of what little fun Zuko got to have.)

"It's ok," Zuko said. Katara wasn't a stare-er; she didn't deserve awkwardness. "I used to think this scar marked me - the mark of the banished prince, cursed to chase the Avatar forever. But lately, I've realized I'm free to determine my own destiny." _Should I mention that Sokka was a big help in that realization or would that be overkill? Would she think I'm lying to sound better?_

 _...Probably. Better keep it to myself._

The room was quiet again. Zuko didn't know how long they silently stood there - long enough for Zuko to mentally recite _On Loving a Monster_ twice **(1)** \- before Katara moved to leave.

"I'll trust you-" _Yes!_ "- _for now_ ," Katara said. She stepped close to him and stared him down. Zuko leaned away, not out of fear ( _hello_ , he'd grown up with _Azula_ ), but because the types of rumors that could be spread were once again running through his head.

This was the part in the play where someone would walk in and draw hilarious-yet-inconvenient conclusions.

 _Don't be a play, don't be a play, don't be a play._

"But you give me one reason to think you might hurt my family and you won't have to worry about your destiny anymore." Katara left, and with her, the chance of miscommunication-fueled shenanigans. Thank god.

 _Ah, the shovel talk,_ Zuko thought fondly. He'd been waiting for his turn. The talk Uncle had given Sokka had been a lot more subtle, but Katara hadn't been raised learning the politest way to threaten a life, so Zuko supposed she hadn't done too badly. Short, to the point, absolutely no doubt as to whether she would carry out her threats; yes, she had done quite well, but she couldn't possibly ruin Zuko's mood. One down! And the difficult one, too. _Score!_

Things were finally looking up. **(2)**

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

 **Sokka**

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

"If I ask really nicely, will you kill me?"

"Will you leave a suicide note so Katara doesn't try to avenge you?"

"Sorry, can't. Spiritual reasons."

"Then you're on your own."

Sokka groaned and dramatically collapsed onto his side. Toph continued eating unsympathetically.

While Sokka was not-so-quietly hating his life, Zuko was on the other side of the fire sitting way too close to Hakoda. A few feet away from them, Iroh was surrounded by a group of warriors, working his Iroh _I'm-just-a-sweet-old-man_ magic. (Give him another week and he'd be able to send fire whips at the tents and no one would flinch.)

Sokka couldn't hear what was being said, but he could guess. Uncle was probably making terrible jokes the warriors wouldn't be able to help laughing at, offering everyone the best tea they'd ever tasted, and giving them unwanted but very sage advice. Zuko's conversation was much more interesting to imagine, and was causing Sokka a lot more mental anguish.

 _"So,"_ Sokka imagined Zuko saying, _"I was wondering if you would give me some_ private _lessons."_

Across the fire, Zuko leaned on one arm, pressing closer to the chief and showing off his bicep at once.

 _"I would love to,"_ pretend-Hakoda said as real-Hakoda gestured vaguely. _"Of course, in order to properly observe the other's forms, it'd be best if we were wearing as little as possible."_

Ok, so that was in no way, shape, or form what they were saying, but Sokka couldn't control his imagination! It had always been too fun to bother and now Sokka didn't even know how.

Curse his wacky, fun-loving ways!

Sokka watched as his dad leaned down to whisper something in Zuko's ear. Zuko looked up at the chief, a confused expression on his face, before nodding and getting up to leave, Dad right behind him.

 _I will not spy, I will not spy, I will not spy, I- screw that._

Sokka made to follow after them.

"Sokka, can I talk to you about something?"

 _Damn it!_

"Can it wait? Just a little bit?" Sokka asked pathetically.

"It's important."

 _Uuuhg._ "Fine." Sokka followed his sister and tried not to think of what his father and boyfriend could possibly be doing. _The universe hates me._

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

There was absolutely no way Sokka would be able to find his dad and Zuko in time to properly eavesdrop, and he didn't care.

He and Katara hadn't really spoken since their conversation about Jet. Sokka had refused to let Katara convince him that Zuko was using him for his own ends, and Katara had refused to let Sokka convince her that Zuko had changed. They had called stalemate and went their seperate ways, not conversing except when strictly necessary, each waiting for the other to make a move.

Sokka should have known Katara would move first. She always had been braver than him.

 _"I still don't like him."_

They had barely reached Sokka's tent when she'd started talking, and the first words out of her mouth had given Sokka an immediate surge of hope.

 _"And I still don't trust him."_

It was that _'still'_ that did it. That one little word had told Sokka more than enough.

 _"I'm not asking you to."_

 _"I know."_

After years of being shrugged off, after those long _long_ months of being told to stop acting like the leader, after so many instances of _I know what you're trying to say and I'mma let you finish, but I just had one of the best ideas of_ _ **all time**_ , Katara was finally trusting his judgement.

Sure, it was on something she didn't actually have any real say over anyway, but baby steps.

 _"I just want you to be happy. You know that, right?"_

 _"Of course I do."_

 _"Well, if Zuko makes you happy, I'll learn to deal with it."_

 _"Thanks, Katara."_

Katara had left over ten minutes ago, but Sokka couldn't bring himself to move just yet.

 _"Don't say that. This is what family is for."_

Mainly because of that last parting shot. Sokka knew it was a shot - obviously - and he knew it was her own special way of gently nudging him to stop being an asshole and come clean to their dad, but he just...

He _couldn't_.

Two years. That's how long Sokka had been kept from his father, his chief, his hero. _Two. Years._ They had so many things to talk about, so much stuff for Sokka to learn. He didn't want to spend what little time they had talking about boyfriends and marriage prospects and _no, he's not evil_ and _no, we haven't talked about the future_ and _no, I don't need you to tell me the mechanics of anything_.

Sokka didn't want to spend their time together being Hakoda's successor, he wanted to be Hakoda's _son_. Just for a little while longer. Just for the time he _knew_ they had. After the war, if they all made it ( _When!_ _ **When**_ _we all make it we_ _ **will**_ _all make it we will get through this we will we will we will_ ), Sokka would gladly take a bit of time to deal with his dad's anger and disappointment. Once everything settled down, Sokka would _know_ he'd have the time to convince Dad he knew what he was doing. He'd be able to talk the chief around.

He wasn't going to waste a few long weeks in a few short months by making his father mad.

Sokka could explain all of this to Zuko (if that was how they did things, which it wasn't, which they shouldn't, because heart to heart talks is for girls and Aang). Zuko would understand - he was awesome like that - but Sokka wouldn't know what to say, anyway. He was always _so bad_ with starting difficult conversations that he just avoided them until they were no longer relevant. Case in point: Suki.

(Besides, after what Sokka had done, there was no way Zuko would give him the chance to speak.)

 _ **Fuck**_ _what a mess._

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

 **Zuko**

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

"So how long have you and my son been dating?"

There was a sound that messenger hawks made when they were first being trained. If they didn't know how to follow an instruction, they made a sort of unholy screeching noise for almost a minute straight, like they were trying to scare away the trainer until they could figure out what the person wanted from them.

Zuko wanted very much to make this noise. Unfortunately, he lacked the proper vocal chords, so while inwardly he was screaming, outwardly, he sounded more like Uncle when he'd heard about the fat happy king way the ferry captain had been eating. Hopefully, the sound would confuse Hakoda into leaving until Zuko could regroup.

"That's not an answer."

Plan A, failed. Time for Plan B.

" _Not so fast._ " Hakoda blocked Zuko's escape attempt, keeping a firm grip on the firebender's arm just in case.

...Plan C?

"What makes you think we're dating?"

And finally, Zuko found himself on familiar ground as Hakoda gave him the _are you fucking kidding me_ look he had seen so often on Uncle.

"One; every time you interact with me, you glance at Sokka to see his reaction, which is always negative," Hakoda said, holding up a single finger. _Shit._ "Two; when you called him 'baby', he didn't even react, as if he was used to it. If the story he fed me about _that_ was true, he would have at least looked embarassed." Another finger. _Shit shit shit_ "Three; I saw you put your hand on his knee that first day, and both of you seemed comfortable with it there." A third finger. _Shit shit shit shit shit_ "Four; I asked Toph an hour ago to be sure and she started laughing hysterically." _**Shiiiiiiiii**_ _-_ "So, when did this happen, exactly?"

"Approximately one week, three days, and-" Zuko checked the location of the sun, "six hours ago." _Officially._

"...I didn't actually expect you to be that exact."

"Oh." _Nice going, Zuko. He thinks you're a freak._ Zuko resisted the urge to bury his face in his hands.

So Hakoda knew. He hadn't said whether he accepted it or not and Zuko was too afraid to ask, but Zuko was sure the chief would deal with it. At least until more pressing concerns were taken care of, by which time Zuko hoped to have made a good enough impression on Hakoda that the chief would be willing to straight out _adopt_ him let alone give his blessing on their relationship. Until then, Zuko didn't know what he was supposed to do.

How was one supposed to act around one's boyfriend's father (when not trying to piss off said boyfriend or father)? Flirting was probably a no. Fighting was almost definitely a no. Were they supposed to talk about _Sokka_? _**What am I supposed to say about Sokka**_ _?_ All he could think of was what _not_ to say, and it was absolutely _no_ help knowing he shouldn't bring up Sokka's extraordinary way with... words.

 _None of the protagonists in the plays have to deal with this! All of their love interests' parents are dead. Or evil. Or suffering from a mysterious plague the hero and their lover have to team up to cure like in_ Escaping Sagano Forest _except the cure didn't really make sense and the playwright had probably given up by the end because really that was just pathetic and Hakoda is looking at me oddly_ _ **oh my god how long have I been thinking**_ _oh crap oh crap oh crap-_

 _What would Uncle say?_

"Perhaps we should talk?" _No! Not that!_

"Perhaps we should."

 _Goddamn it! This is why there's only one Uncle!_

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

"Don't you think that's a bit... much?"

"Probably. Are you in or out?"

"Oh, I'm in, just promise me something..."

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

 **Sokka**

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

It was quiet.

 _Too_ quiet.

Which wasn't to say that things were quiet in general, just quieter than they should be.

Uncle had started up a music night (because Uncle was magical like that). He'd gotten some of the warriors to take out their seal-leather drums and Uncle had pulled a tsungi horn out of nowhere and even Toph was playing the flute ( _What?_ ). So yeah, things weren't quiet. Music was playing. People were chatting.

Zuko and Hakoda were dancing. Together. And smiling at each other.

Sokka couldn't hear much past the pulse in his ears.

"You're not very good at this, are you?" Dad asked, laughing good-naturedly at Zuko's attempts to copy his movements.

"We don't really dance much in the Fire Nation," Zuko explained, smiling widely at the chief. Hakoda stood close to the prince as he adjusted his arms. "It might convince people we're human." **(3)**

The two shared a chuckle.

 _What the_ _ **fuck**_ _._

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

As bad as watching Zuko flirt with his dad was, it was a thousand times worse watching his dad flirt back.

To be clear: _Dad. was flirting. with Zuko._

Again, to emphasize: _Chief Hakoda. of the Southern Water Tribe. was flirting. with Prince Zuko. of the Fire Nation._

And once more, to make sure we're all on the same page: _His_ _ **father**_ _. was_ _ **flirting**_ _. with his_ _ **boyfriend**_ _._

Sokka could say it a hundred different ways (and he was working on it, too; he was up to 37) and it would never ever make sense.

He couldn't talk to anyone; Toph couldn't be near any of them without laughing her ass off, Katara was back to being pissed because Zuko was "playing with Sokka and Dad's emotions", and Sokka wasn't _sure_ , but he would swear he'd heard Uncle make a joke about what specific tastes Zuko had.

(He might have been talking to the cook about how picky the prince was about his spiced meats, but _Sokka_ knew that _Uncle_ knew that he was nearby. He could tell. Because Uncle knew all.)

Wanting to put off family break-ups or not, things were going too far. Had already gone too far. Reached the point of no return about two hours after Zuko first walked out. _Whatever_. The point was, Sokka gave up. He was going to talk to Zuko. Like an adult.

Ew.

"Sokka?" the chief said, fingers curled around the edge of the tent flap. "Can I speak with you about something?"

After he talked to dad.

 _What is it with people wanting to talk to me at inconvenient times?_

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

 **Zuko**

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

" _ **WHAT**_!"

Zuko took a deep breath, the candles around him rising and falling in rhythm with him. Sounded like Hakoda was finally having his chat with Sokka.

" _ **What do you mean 'do I have any advice for asking Zuko out'**_?"

Yeah, Hakoda was chatting with Sokka. Zuko put out his candles and left the tent.

" _ **No, I do NOT want to call Zuko daddy**_!" **(4)**

Zuko smirked as he made his way to the arguing men. That comment had been his idea. It was so sweet of Hakoda to say it. Zuko didn't know what he had been so worried about; he and the chief were going to get along just fine.

Zuko had just reached the crowd that had assembled around the chief's tent when he finally heard what he had been waiting for for so long;

" _Because he's_ _ **mine**_ _, damn it, now get your own_!"

Toph was laughing. Uncle was collecting money and items from various warriors. Katara was groaning, her head in her hands. Zuko was smiling as he pushed open the tent.

Sokka's eyes were wide, his hands clutching tightly over his mouth like it would drag the words out of the air and back inside himself. Hakoda was looking at him like even the slightest movement would set off some sort of episode. Zuko decided to put him out of his misery.

"I think he's suffered enough, Chief Hakoda."

Sokka dropped his hands and turned to Zuko, seeming to just realize the prince was there.

"What?" He looked to his father, who smiled gently at him. " _What_?" His head darted back and forth like some sort of demented bird before settling back on Zuko. " _You_ -"

"Didn't say a word," Zuko assured him. "Your father figured it out. He's a smart man."

Sokka turned back to Hakoda, who grinned smugly.

"Then all this time-"

"Nope," Hakoda said. "Just this part. Maybe this will teach you not to lie to your father."

"B... b-b... but you..." Sokka's mind had finally snapped, which was weird because Zuko thought he'd have at least one more indignant screech in him.

"Is this the part where _I_ leave so you two can talk, or the part where _you_ leave so he and I can talk?"

"I'm... not really sure."

Sokka continued to sputter in the background.

"How about we both leave and let him collect himself?"

"Sounds good."

The two left. Sokka blinked.

"You..."

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

"I fucking hate you."

"I know, baby."

"I hate you _so. goddamn. much_."

"Just let it out."

It was dinner time. Sokka had regained his senses and was steadfastly ignoring the group of warriors (and Toph and Katara and maybe even Uncle at this point) who were doing impressions of his moment of clarity.

Zuko sipped at his tea. _Why is the only thing around to drink tea?_ _I know there was some plain water yesterday. Did Uncle just brew it all?_

"That was just cruel, Ani."

"Probably."

What he wouldn't give for a stiff shot of whiskey.

"I _will_ have my revenge."

"Sounds nice."

Or some smooth plum wine. That sounded good.

"Are you even listening to me?"

"Maybe rice wine."

" _Zuko_!" Sokka hit the firebender's arm.

" _I'm listening._ You hate me. Cruel. Revenge." Zuko wrapped his arms around the Water Tribesman and kissed his neck. "But you know what? Until then, I have heard _great_ things about make up sex." Sokka perked up.

"Have you?"

"I bet I can get you seeing sounds."

"Oh it's _on_."

Hakoda winked at them as they ran back to Zuko's tent. Zuko smirked, but Sokka didn't notice. He was too focused on leaving. Maybe if he'd been paying any sort of attention, he would have noticed Uncle starting rumors of their engagement.

Eh. Zuko would tell him later.

 **-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-**

 **(1)** _On Loving a Monster_ is a poem by Emily Palermo. I'm not gonna copy it here because I just really dont feel like it, but it's a great poem and you should all google it.

 **(2)** Parts of the dialogue are taken directly or slightly edited from _Crossroads of Destiny_ and _The Western Air Temple_

 **(3)** I swear to god I've read a line similar to this in another story I just can't remember said story and it's _bugging me so bad_ so if any of y'all know, take pity on me.

 **(4) BiJane's ideas!** It was the brainchild of the lovely and talented BiJane to have Hakoda go to Sokka for advice on how to ask Zuko out and to have Hakoda ask Sokka his thoughts on calling Zuko "daddy" because, and I quote "when that opportunity presents itself TAKE IT"

 **A/N:** _How the fuck do these end up being so long?_

Anyway, thanks for once again joining me in The Shame Basement. I hope you enjoyed your visit. Please help yourself to the refreshments on your way out. Don't drink and drive.


End file.
